Heart Trouble
by MindfulWrath
Summary: Lea has been recompleted. He's gotten a heart, just like he always wanted. But he quickly discovers that his new heart may be far more trouble than he bargained for...
1. Heart's a Mess

_"Your heart's a mess_

_You won't admit to it_

_It makes no sense_

_But I'm desperate to connect_

_And you, you can't live like this."_

―Gotye, "Heart's A Mess"

* * *

It was always quiet in Yen Sid's tower, and Lea hated it. It was too much like the bleak, echoing halls of Castle Oblivion, where too much had happened too fast and too often. The less he was reminded of that life, he thought, the better it would be, the more easily he would be able to start his new life here.

His life with a heart.

He could feel it thudding away inside him every moment of every day; it never stopped. It had its own moods and cycles, one moment racing like the wind and the next quietly chugging away at the business of keeping him alive. It was incredibly distracting, especially the way it reacted to everything he thought and said and _felt._

The feeling, really, was the crux of the whole matter. It was so unlike _before_, back in the Organization where feelings had been quiet, muted things that were mildly puzzling and best ignored, except when they absolutely couldn't be. There had been a few instances, up on the clock tower, or talking with Saix, or fighting Sora, when the feelings had become so overwhelmingly powerful that they had taken over his mind and run his mouth for him, even acted without asking his brain for permission. But now, _now_ those feelings were _always_ that powerful, always roaring and pounding and screaming away inside of him, thrumming through his limbs with insane force and energy. Some days it was completely unmanageable, especially when he thought about Ro―

Lea shook his head, the spikes of his flame-red hair brushing against the bookshelf behind him. The tower was too quiet, since Sora had left; it was too easy to think in there. Lea sighed and levered himself off of the wall, uncrossing his arms for the first time in almost an hour. The top room of the tower was empty, at this point; everyone was away on their own little missions, whatever they might be, in preparation for the coming clash. Lea's heart stuttered and he resolved not to think too much about that particular conflict, at least until he had gotten used to the strange confusion of emotions that was constantly vying for his attention.

At the base of the tower, things were scarcely any better. It was still too quiet, still too easy to think about things. There were certain ideas, faces, things that were constantly intruding on Lea's thoughts, things that had been shoved aside and discounted _before_, but which now demanded the attention of his full thought and feeling. Many of them, he didn't want to think about, because every time he did there was a terrible pain in his new heart, like it was trying to wrench itself out of his chest. It was an awful feeling, but it came up with horrible frequency; when he thought about when he'd died, in the World Between with Sora kneeling next him; when he thought about where Isa was and what might happen to him in the course of Xehanort's scheming; when he recalled those evenings on the clock tower with Ro―

Lea shook himself again, making a noise of disgust. "Man, this place is getting to me," he muttered to himself. "I've really gotta get out more."

After a moment of pondering, he opened a swirling gateway to the darkness and stepped through. It was cold in there, something he had never really noticed before, either because he hadn't been capable of feeling that kind of coldness or because he hadn't cared enough to notice. Either way, he made his jaunt through the darkness as brief as he could, and emerged unscathed in Radiant Garden. He looked around at the shops, thinking, gauging his options. The black leather coat, he had decided, would have to go; there was too much attached to it, too much vulnerability inherent in it now that he knew the original purpose of Organization XIII. So he wandered amongst the shops until he found one willing to sell him new clothing, and when he had purchased it he took the coat into a back alley and burned it, a sudden satisfaction filling him as quick and bright as the flames that consumed the dark leather. Just as quickly, the feeling was gone, and he was left with an ashen taste in his mouth.

Lea stepped back out into the streets, adjusting the yellow checked kerchief around his neck. Beneath it was a white shirt, an orange vest, and a plain pair of pants with bright red sneakers that matched his flagrant hair.

"Lea," he said to himself, his own name still sending a thrill of recognition through his new-old heart, "this is how Lea―how _I _dressed." He looked down at himself, thought for a moment, then snorted. "I look like a moron," he said, not without a certain amount of pride.

He wandered around Radiant Garden for a while, taking in the sights. It was still quite early in the morning, and not many people were out in the streets yet. He considered paying a visit to some of the people he'd encountered over the past few weeks―friends of Sora's―but decided in the end that it could wait until he actually had a reason to be there. Things would just be awkward, otherwise.

After a while, he slowly began to realize that Radiant Garden was not, perhaps, the best place for him to be wandering in his current pensive state of mind. The sights, sounds, and smells were all too familiar and brought back too many memories―ones of the distant past, when he and Isa had been young and naïve; ones of the not-so-distant past, of Sora and the Organization and Ro―

Disgusted, Lea opened another portal to the darkness and strode through. He couldn't let himself think those thoughts; he wouldn't. That thing was over and done with. There was no going back, there was no retrieving what was lost, and he would just have to deal with it and move on, no matter how hard it might be.

It wasn't long after that that Lea found himself sitting atop the clock tower in Twilight Town, looking out at the sunset. It wasn't that he'd _wanted _to come there; he'd just had nowhere else left to go. Something had piloted him there; habit, perhaps, or maybe instinct. He dared not think it was his fledgeling heart that had guided his steps.

Sunset wore on, and eventually night fell. A chill descended over the sleepy little town, and Lea looked out over it with an emptiness inside him that was more terrible than all the painful and confusing feelings he'd had so far. It was just like those first days, when he'd thought his heart was gone for good and he would never be able to feel anything again.

"This is ridiculous," he said to himself, standing and throwing his head back, hands on his hips. He sighed and looked back down at the town, his expression somber. "Come on, Lea. Since when do you mope? There's got to be better things to do with yourself. Hey, come on, you're even a Keyblade wielder now! There's gotta be something good you can do with that, right?"

The cheeriness of his own voice didn't fool him as it once might have. Thinking that a heart was a troublesome thing after all, Lea wound his way back to Yen Sid's tower through the darkness, almost longing for the days when he hadn't been able to feel anything at all.

* * *

Owning a Keyblade, it turned out, was a lot more work than he had been expecting. The Heartless followed him _everywhere_; they hounded his steps in every corner of every world. Even Yen Sid's tower wasn't safe, as they would swarm the stairs whenever he entered the place. As if that wasn't bad enough, Dusks and other Nobodies would sometimes join the fray―not even the Ways Between were safe anymore. Since he was still not well-versed in the wielding of the Keyblade, he trained with Riku, who was an Official Keyblade Master, but who, it turned out, was absolutely no fun at all.

"This isn't like other weapons," Riku told him, after thrashing him again in a one-on-one match. "You have to wield it from the heart."

"Well excuse me if I'm not too familiar with the feeling," Lea retorted grumpily, picking himself up and dusting off his trousers. "I'm not exactly an expert at this whole 'having a heart' thing." He rubbed the back of his neck. "Jeez, do you have to hit so _hard?_"

"Xehanort isn't going to pull any punches, and neither will I." Riku said.

Lea rolled his eyes. "Fine, fine." Then, grumbling under his breath, "I think I liked you better when you were a puppet."

"When I was _what?_" Riku inquired.

"Nothing! Forget it."

The boy smirked at him in a sincerely disconcerting way. "Ready to go again?" he asked playfully. "Or are you still talking off your injuries?"

Lea sighed dramatically. "I should've stayed dead," he lamented, and summoned his Keyblade.

* * *

That night, bruised, battered, and exhausted beyond belief, Lea found himself once again at the top of the clock tower in Twilight Town. The sun blazed in his eyes and the air was cold. He briefly considered that buying ice-cream in winter might not have been the best of ideas, but immediately discounted it―buying ice-cream after a long day was _always_ the best of ideas.

Knowing that he was a piece of the light―that he had always been destined to wield the Keyblade―was still difficult for Lea to come to terms with. Certainly, he'd never considered himself to be a _bad guy_, since all he'd ever wanted was to be _whole_ again, but he'd never expressed too many scruples with his methods for getting to that goal. It might, he reflected, have been his lack of a heart that had made such ruthlessness so natural, and that was a nice excuse, but it didn't hold up under scrutiny. Even when his Nobody had grown a little heart of its own―one that he could feel nestled alongside his new-old one and slowly fusing to it―he'd still been willing to do whatever it took to keep himself (and, to a lesser extent, the few he considered his friends) alive, even if it meant hurting Ro―

He rose abruptly, a huge glob of his ice-cream sliding off the stick and falling to the ground far below. It was time to go home. There was no reason for him to be here, anyway. He ground his teeth, frustrated.

"I'm trying to get _away_ from this stuff," he grumbled to himself. "This place is pretty much _made_ of painful memories." He tossed the rest of his ice-cream away contemptuously and stalked home through the Ways Between.

* * *

It was only a few weeks before Riku's other missions became more important than training Lea, so he was handed off to Sora, along with Kairi, to go out and mop up the Heartless wherever they appeared across the worlds, his ability to transport himself and others almost instantly between spaces making him ideal for the job.

He arrived slightly later than the other two, who were talking animatedly.

"―And _then_," Sora was explaining excitedly, "we met _Santa!_"

Kairi giggled, hiding her smile behind her hand.

"Oh?" said Lea, sauntering up to them. "And what was the old man like? I've always wondered."

Sora's face fell a little bit. "He was kinda grumpy, actually." he admitted. "But then, I guess I'd be kinda grumpy, too, if Oogie Boogie was harassing _me_ like that."

"Guy's got a schedule." Lea told him. "You have no idea how frustrating it is when somebody won't let you get the job done."

"I guess," Sora answered, "although it was pretty frustrating when you guys from the Organization kept trying to kill me."

"Hey! I keep telling you people, that _wasn't me_. I just happen to kinda look like the guy, that's all."

"And you have all of his memories," Kairi pointed out impishly.

"And you act just like him," Sora said.

"And you still use the same expressions," Kairi added, and then, both in unison, they leered at him, "_got it memorized?_" And then burst out laughing.

"Ha ha." Lea droned, fighting down an intense and burning rage that was spilling out from his red-hot coal of a heart. "Didn't we have Heartless to kill or something?"

"Yeah, we do." Sora answered, still smiling to himself. "I think Yen Sid said they were back in Wonderland big-time. We should go there first. I guess we can wing it from there."

Lea sighed, rubbing the back of his head. "Right. Wing it."

"Don't worry, Lea." Kairi reassured him. "Sora's done this a zillion times before. We'll be just fine."

"I'm not worried about getting _hurt,_" Lea grumbled, but he opened the Way Between and led the two of them through without further complaint, mostly because he couldn't formulate any words for the things he was feeling.

It might, he conceded to himself, have been hatred.

* * *

Sora and Kairi fought off the Heartless like they'd been doing it all their lives. Lea, on the other hand, found himself constantly struggling to adjust to the new fighting style demanded by the Keyblade. The number of times he almost threw the thing at a Heartless twenty feet away was slightly embarrassing, and the number of times he _actually_ chucked the weapon across the room and had to go chasing after it was downright humiliating, _especially_ since Sora laughed at him every time it happened.

"You'd think you don't have anything _better_ to do!" Lea called to him, as Sora, still laughing, whaled on a Heartless and Lea himself retrieved his Keyblade again.

"Lighten up, Lea," Kairi advised, slashing through the Heartless that were crawling up behind Lea. "It takes some getting used to, for sure."

"Easy for _you_ to say," Lea grumbled, hacking at the nearest Heartless―a huge, armored thing that trundled along ponderously before slamming its entire considerable weight down on its unfortunate opponent. Lea was unfortunate enough to not have yet realized that attacking the creature's armored front was completely useless, and was subsequently hit so hard that he went flying across the room. His head cracked against the wall, and darkness clouded his vision as a ringing filled his ears. He was scarcely able to process the rest of the battle, and by the time he'd staggered to his feet, all the Heartless were dead or had run away.

Sora jogged over to him, wiping sweat from his forehead. "You all right?" he asked.

"I'm fine," Lea snarled, his head still spinning. It felt like there was a huge crack at the back of his head, where his skull was slowly prizing itself apart.

"Are you sure?" Kairi asked as she arrived. "You don't look so good."

In all honesty, Lea felt like he was about to vomit, not to mention the searing pain now spreading over his entire skull. Nonetheless, he waved off their concern. "I'm sure. Forget about it."

"Well, here, have this, anyway." Sora dug through one of his multifarious pockets and handed Lea a small green bottle full of liquid. "It'll fix most small stuff."

Lea sighed, but accepted the bottle, slugging it down in one gulp. The liquid burned, but the pain and dizziness subsided considerably. Lea rubbed the back of his head. "Um, thanks. I guess."

"Don't worry about it. I have about a hundred of 'em."

Raising an eyebrow, Lea asked, "A _hundred?_"

Sora nodded, with an expression of mild regret. "I can't carry any more than that."

Kairi giggled and punched Sora lightly in the arm. "Why would you ever _need_ any more than that? Silly."

A look passed between the two of them, and Lea's heart cried out in agony. Startled, Lea put a hand to his chest, wondering if he was more injured from the battle than he'd thought. He didn't seem to be bleeding, though, and couldn't feel any broken bones. The feeling subsided quickly, anyway, into a dull ache in his chest. There was no time to examine the feeling, however, since Sora and Kairi were already running off to the next room where the Heartless were doubtless lurking. Resignedly, Lea followed them.

* * *

He didn't go to the clock tower that evening, or the next, but the third night he felt such a strong compulsion _not_ to return to Yen Sid's tower with Sora and Kairi that he was willing to go almost anywhere else. Lately he found the two of them completely insufferable, especially when they were together. The pain in his heart when he was around them had grown steadily more frequent as time passed, until it was an almost constant dull ache. By the third day, he would have been willing to go anywhere, do anything, to get that pain to stop, even for a moment. It was only by coincidence that he found himself standing atop the clock tower, the red-gold sunlight pouring down on him from the edge of the world. He hadn't been paying attention to where he was going, and his steps had guided him there seemingly of their own accord.

"Again?" he asked himself, shaking his head. He put a careful hand to his heart and chuckled. "You're not trying to tell me something, are you?"

As he had suspected, his heart did not respond, and he sat and watched the sunset alone and in silence.

* * *

Another week passed like this. Whenever Lea was not out on a mission with Sora and Kairi, he was alone, either in his room, running errands, or exploring the worlds. The more time went by, the more his heart pained him, whether it be with sharp, violent pangs of emotion when he was with Sora and Kairi, or a dull, hollow ache when he was not. The feeling, he slowly came to realize, was _loneliness_, something he'd never experienced before because he'd never, now that he came to think of it, been really _alone_ before. In the time prior to his joining the Organization, Isa had been his constant companion; after that, he'd been around other members almost every hour of every day―Isa had been there, too, or whatever was left of him. In the frenzy of activity surrounding Sora and Riku's Mark of Mastery test, there had been so many people coming and going, and so much to _do_, that there hadn't been time or space to feel lonely. But all of that was over now, and in the day-to-day grind Lea found that the feeling was expanding to fill every available space.

He tried being around the others more often, but that was both difficult and unproductive. Sora, Riku, and Kairi were such a closely-knit group that trying to enter their circle was about as fruitful as trying to push oneself through solid rock―no matter how hard he tried, he was always on the outside looking in. Donald and Goofy were both childish and mistrustful of him, and far preferred to keep to themselves, the King, or Sora for company. The King was little better, and Lea found himself longing for the days _before_, when after a tough mission he'd been able to sit up on the clock tower eating ice cream and poking fun at Ro―

He shook those thoughts out of his head, or tried to, despite how often they came up. There was nothing but pain down that line of thinking. He occupied himself with training, and because of the sheer frequency of the need for preoccupation, he began to grow quite proficient with the Keyblade. However, he did so mainly alone; being around others seemed to only intensify the loneliness, and eventually Lea gave up trying. He spent his days alone, and because of that the shine began to wear off of his usually enthusiastic demeanor. He talked less and thought more, and the majority of what he thought about was the one person who was not there, the one person he wished were there, the one person whom he was certainly never going to see again.

He couldn't bring himself to admit it, couldn't even say His name, but Lea missed his one friend from _before_ almost more than he could stand.


	2. Dance Your Decay

_"Dance, dance your decay_

_All the while, unknowing that you're led astray._

_Sleep, sleep through your woe_

_While your voice, slowly withers and melts away."_

―The Dear Hunter, "Blood of the Rose"

* * *

One morning, Yen Sid called him into the top tower room early.

"Lea," the old wizard droned, "come in. I have news for you."

Lea's heart sank. This sounded like the intro to one of those icky jobs he always got stuck with. "What is it?" he asked.

"I'm afraid you and Kairi will have to go on your missions without Sora from now on. He and Riku have gone to retrieve another Keyblade wielder from Castle Oblivion."

"_What?_" Lea cried. Half a hundred nameless fears swarmed his heart, which hammered frantically against his ribcage. "You can't let them go back there!"

Yen Sid raised an eyebrow. "I have the utmost confidence in Sora and Riku's ability to confront whatever lies within Castle Oblivion, now that the Organization no longer has a presence there."

"That's because you've never _been_ there." Lea snarled. "If anything, it's _less_ safe with the Organization gone, _especially_ for Sora and Riku!"

"Lea!" the old wizard snapped. "Calm yourself."

Lea fought down the panic and anger, trying to breathe normally and think straight past the turmoil in his heart. It was like trying to forge upstream through chest-deep water.

"Sora and Riku are quite capable," Yen Sid continued calmly, "and I have every confidence in their abilities. I am well aware of the dangers that Castle Oblivion presents."

Lea's teeth made a faint cracking noise as his jaw clenched. _I must not set the wizard on fire,_ he thought to himself, _I must __**not**__set the wizard on fire._

"Is that all you wanted to tell me?" Lea asked impertinently, then shook his head, grinning. "Not like I don't have other things I could be doing."

Yen Sid was quiet for a moment, perhaps letting it sink in for Lea that he wasn't fooling anybody, least of all himself, into thinking he didn't care about Sora and Riku. "That is all." Yen Sid said eventually. "You and Kairi will continue your missions to belay the Heartless as usual. I hope you are ready."

"Yeah, great." Lea said, waving a dismissive hand. "See ya." He walked out with as much nonchalance as he could muster, wishing, not for the first time, that things could go back to the way they'd been _before._

* * *

Kairi ran over to him the moment he arrived at the base of the tower. There was panic written plainly on her face.

"Lea!" she cried. "I can't find Sora anywhere. Riku's gone, too! Did something happen? What's going on?"

"Hey, whoah, calm down." Lea said, heavily laying his hand on her head. "The boss says it's all fine. They're off on a mission together, something about finding another Keyblade wielder. Apparently it wasn't important enough that they had to send us two, so we get to keep doing our job and killing the Heartless."

"Without Sora?" Kairi exclaimed, brushing Lea's hand off her head. "Where did they go?"

Lea waved vaguely. "Didn't say. Probably somewhere boring. And anyway, look at it this way: this means we've graduated, right? We don't need Sora as a babysitter anymore. We're moving up in the world!"

"I _guess_," Kairi said, looking around uncertainly, fiddling with her fingernails. "But they'll be back soon, right?"

"Of course," Lea said. "The old man said it was easy-peasy for Sora and Riku. You know how those two are. Nothing can stand up to 'em. But until they get back, we gotta keep on killing the Heartless so they don't have a big old mess to clean up when they _do_ get back. Got it memorized?"

Kairi smiled, then gave him a decisive nod. "Right." she said.

Lea opened a portal to the darkness, wondering at how easily, how naturally, the lies still sprang to his tongue.

Wondering, more than that, just why he felt it necessary to protect Kairi from the truth.

* * *

The fight, surprisingly, was going rather well.

"Hey, is it just me, or are these guys getting weaker?" Lea called to Kairi after slicing through a Heartless in two easy strokes.

"I think we're just getting stronger!" Kairi replied lightly, dancing around the Heartless with practiced ease.

Lea leapt over the head of one of the huge armored Heartless and destroyed it with a relentless series of slashes to its unprotected back. It exploded into black smoke and its freed heart drifted lazily towards the ceiling. Lea caught himself staring at the heart greedily and attacked the next Heartless with renewed gusto.

_Old habits,_ he thought, with a wry smile.

Soon enough, the mob of Heartless in the front hall was dispatched, and Lea had time to look around. The Beast's castle was a gloomy, dark affair, but it seemed that recently efforts had been made to spruce the place up. Someone had tried to decorate in the spirit of the winter holidays. The artificial cheer layered over the centuries-old gloom was almost comical in its dissonance.

Kairi walked over to him, also examining the room. "It looks like Belle's been busy," she commented. "I wonder where she and Beast are?"

Lea rolled his eyes. "Does it matter? They're not what we're here for."

"No," Kairi answered, "but it's nice to pay a visit to old friends once in a while."

Defensively, Lea answered, "They're not _my_ friends."

Kairi's face betrayed what Lea considered an inordinate amount of sadness. "What? Why not?" she exclaimed.

"Well first of all," Lea detailed, holding up one finger, "I've never met them. Second of all," another finger, "in case you've forgotten, I was a member of the Organization when they were trying to kidnap Belle and turn Beast into a Heartless, so I don't think they'd be too enamored of me, and third of all," a third finger, and he looked up at the ceiling, "third of all. . . ." He sighed, his proud posture collapsing. "Look, I just don't think they're my kind of people, you know?"

"How can you know, if you've never met them?" Kairi asked. Much to Lea's surprise, she grabbed his hand and began towing him off, grinning. "Come on! We'll go right now!"

"Whoah, hey!" Lea cried, but his protests fell on deaf ears.

* * *

Kairi seemed to know exactly where she was going, and led Lea to a room upstairs at the end of a long hallway. She paused, putting a finger to her lips, and pressed her ear to the door. She stood listening for a moment, then stood back and knocked on the door.

"Hello?" she called. "Belle? You in there?"

Muffled, from behind the door, there came a woman's voice. "Oh! One moment!" There were running footsteps, and then the door opened, revealing a young woman with long brown hair tied up in a loose bun, wearing a cornflower-blue dress, and with the most intelligent set of eyes Lea had ever seen. Her face was rather careworn, but it broke into a smile when she saw Kairi, and Belle scooped the girl into a hug.

"Kairi!" she cried. "How wonderful to see you again! And who is your friend?" She let go of the girl and turned to face Lea, who was already concerned that a hug was coming his way.

"Belle," Kairi said, "this is Lea. He's a friend of Sora's and mine. Lea, this is Belle."

"Charmed, I'm sure." Lea said, and rolled his eyes. "Look, didn't we have something we were supposed to be doing? Like, our actual _jobs?_"

"He's a rude one, isn't he?" Belle commented to Kairi, who grinned.

"He's not very good at making friends."

"Hey, that's not very nice." Lea objected. "I'd be happy to make friends if I didn't have a _job_ to do."

Kairi regarded Belle with a smirk. "He's also a chronic liar."

Belle laughed. "Oh, I see. One of those types. It's alright, I've dealt with one of those for a few years now, I know how to handle them." For a moment, a flicker of sadness crossed her face.

Lea felt a stab of discomfort, approaching fear. "I'd rather not be dealt with, if it's all the same to you," he said. "Glad to meet you. Maybe we'll meet again sometime. Can we _go?_"

"If you're so eager to be on your way, I won't keep you." Belle said. She turned to Kairi with a look of friendly affection, although there was something deeper, more anxious, beneath the surface. "Thank you so much for stopping by to say hello, dear. It was wonderful seeing you again. Feel free to stop in any time. We could always use the company."

"Of course!" Kairi replied.

"Hey, where's Beast?" Lea asked, looking around. Belle's face became grave.

"There were reports of Heartless out in the kingdom, so he went out to fight them. He left me in charge of the castle while he was gone."

"How long has he been gone?" Kairi asked, alarmed.

"About two days, now. I'm starting to get worried." She looked at them with hopeful eyes. "If you're not _too_ busy, could you spare some time to look for him? I'm concerned he might have bitten off more than he can chew. You know how he can be."

"Of course," Lea said, completely without thinking. He then glared at his traitorous heart, which had spoken the words without his consent.

Belle smiled at him. "Thank you," she said, "I knew I could count on Sora's friends."

"Yeah, well, we're here for the Heartless anyway." Lea said, by way of a dismissive excuse. "If Beast found a bunch of them, it's our job to go kill them."

Kairi gave him a knowing smile. "Of course." she said. "Come on, Lea. No time to waste!"

* * *

Evening fell, and they had still found neither hide nor hair Beast. The lands around his castle were vast and unpopulated, except by wolves and crows. Lea looked around uncomfortably as the wood began to darken.

"Maybe we should go back," he advised, "come back tomorrow when the sun's up. It's not like a few hours is going to make that much difference. We can get a good night's sleep and start fresh tomorrow."

Kairi looked unsure, but then wolves howled, seemingly only a few hundred feet away in the darkness between the trees. She took a step closer to Lea, then looked up at him and nodded. "Right." she said. "Let's get out of here."

They traveled through the darkness back to Yen Sid's tower, and Kairi reported the news about Beast to the old wizard. He seemed mildly concerned―but then, it was difficult to tell with Yen Sid whether his concern was mild or grave, since his expression and tone so rarely changed. Lea stood leaning against the bookshelf, arms crossed, listening to the story without saying a word. He could see how concerned Kairi was, how that concern imbued her movements and her speech with energy. There was certainly power to be had from letting one's heart do the talking, Lea decided. It would be nice, though, to get to pick when it got to do that.

The night passed uneventfully, although Lea found he had a great deal of trouble sleeping. He thought about Belle and Beast, and how the woman had been concerned for her friend's life but unwilling to risk abandoning his castle to the Heartless―priorities. The heart's priorities were so different from the mind's, something he was only just beginning to figure out. He wondered what he would have done if someone he had cared about had been lost out in the woods for two days. Would he have stayed in that castle if it had been Kairi out in those woods with the Heartless? If it had been Sora? If, God forbid, it had been Ro―

Lea rolled over and punched his pillow in frustration. Those thoughts would not stop following him no matter how hard he pushed them away. It was really starting to get ridiculous, he thought, and if it didn't stop on its own soon, he was going to have to do something about it.

It hurt too much to let it keep on happening.

* * *

The next day, he woke to the sound of Kairi hammering on his door and yelling at him to wake up. He took particular offense to the fact that she called him "sleepy-head" when it was, clearly, still before dawn. Nonetheless, he roused himself with a grumble and got his clothes on and his gear together in a little under two minutes, yelling barbed placations at Kairi all the while.

Finally, he emerged from his room, his hair only slightly more tousled than usual. "There," he said, "are you happy now? Will you stop yelling at me?"

"I'll stop yelling," Kairi replied demurely, "but I won't be happy until we find Beast."

Lea sighed, covering his own apprehension at Beast's predicament. "All right, well, we'd better hurry up then, so I don't have to deal with your whining any longer."

Kairi stuck her tongue out at him. "You're mean." she accused.

"What else is new?" Lea commented, and opened the portal to the darkness.

* * *

They started back where they had left off, in the trackless woods just after dawn. Lea suggested they split up, and Kairi told him he was crazy, so they stuck together and combed the woods, searching for any trace of where Beast had gone.

Eventually, it was Lea who hit upon the first sign of Beast's passage. There was a large branch snapped off of a tree about seven feet above the ground, looking as though it had been brushed out of the way. Reasoning that no wolf would be able to jump that high, and that even if it had been the work of a Heartless they were still on the right track, he encouraged Kairi to follow the trail from there. She agreed, a little reluctantly, but Lea was right behind her, and this seemed to give her some modicum of confidence. Lea had to admit to himself, he felt better with someone else by his side. It was good to have a partner again, even if it was . . . someone _else._

The path led them deep into the woods, growing easier to follow as the wood grew thicker. At last, Lea picked up the sound of heavy breathing and put a hand on Kairi's shoulder, putting a finger to his lips.

"Wait here," he whispered, "I'll go check."

"No way!" she protested, also in a whisper. "If anyone should go, it's me. I'm better with the Keyblade, anyway, and I'm smaller!"

"Yeah, and I, being the bigger person and also a bully, am telling you to stay here." His voice dropped to something barely audible. "Beside's, Sora'd kill me if anything happened to you."

Kairi thought about this for a moment, then nodded and motioned for Lea to go ahead. He snuck forward on his toes, moving as slowly as his thin patience would allow. Being in a forest meant there were a lot of sticks and leaves on the ground to make noises, and he couldn't risk alerting whatever it was in there with a sudden loud sound. Even if it _was_ just Beast, the likelihood that Lea would be attacked was still fairly high―the creature had always had a hair-trigger when it came to being surprised. By the time Kairi could get to him and talk sense into Beast, Lea might have been a bloody smudge on the ground.

Painfully, slowly, he inched his way closer. There was a thicket up ahead, and through it he could see some kind of hulking shape lying in dark contrast to the pale snow. Mist rose off of it in the cold air, although Lea couldn't make out its exact shape. With a slow caution that made him grit his teeth, Lea lowered himself to the ground and crawled forward through the thicket. When he finally got a look at what was inside, he leapt to his feet and ran forward, calling for Kairi.

Beast was lying in the snow, bloodied and badly injured. He was still breathing―barely―but it seemed as though the creature had been involved in a battle with odds stacked far against his favor.

"Help me," Lea said, "we have to get him back to Yen Sid's. He'll know what to do."

"How?" Kairi demanded, looking despairingly at the huge creature before her. "We can't carry him."

"That's a defeatist attitude," Lea accused, opening his portal to the darkness. "Come on. It's not far. We'll drag him if we have to." He thought for a moment. "Here, help me roll him over. We'll use his cape as a sled. It should make him easier to drag."

Though there were tears in Kairi's eyes, she complied, heaving alongside Lea to turn Beast over onto his back. They then each took hold of one corner of Beast's cloak and began hauling him into the dark portal. It seemed at first that his cloak might tear, but then the friction against the ground was overcome and he slid if not easily, then passably along the ground, his head and arms lolling terribly, as though he was some kind of giant ragdoll.

The trek through the darkness was interminable. It seemed to go on for hours; his arms straining, back aching, Lea wondered how he'd ever made the journey before. It seemed ten times longer with Beast being dragged along with them. Perhaps it was because he was measuring the length of the journey in Beast's breaths, which were growing fewer and farther between. How long had he been out there in the cold, dying alone and unable to even call for help? Something strange was happening in Lea's heart, but he was too distracted by his concern for Beast to really take stock of what it was.

The darkness seemed to press in around them, gently caressing Beast's face and body with curious tendrils, as if investigating this new possible addition to its collection. Lea redoubled his efforts to drag Beast back out into the safety of the light, to the salvation of Yen Sid's healing magic.

"Is he . . . going to be okay?" Kairi panted.

"'Course he is," Lea told her, grinning through the pain in his arms and back and heart. "This stuff. . . ? Psh, it's nothing. I've seen . . . a hundred times worse, and came out of it . . . just fine." He, too, was struggling for breath. A drop of sweat ran into his eye, but he couldn't spare a hand to wipe it away.

"Are you sure?" she gasped.

"Positive," Lea replied, with that same confident smile he'd gotten so good at putting on at a moment's notice. It was unclear if Kairi could see the pain in his eyes. His last partner had never been able to. Perhaps He'd never really been paying attention.

They continued on without speaking, focusing only on their grim burden. Lea continued to count breaths; he had a brief moment of panic when he could not catch the rise of the Beast's chest, nor could he hear the quiet, ragged exhalation. He made out the breath of life, though, and his panicking heart slowed its frantic beating.

It seemed hours later that they dragged Beast's huge, bloodied body out through the portal into the greenish light of Yen Sid's office. The darkness seemed to cling to him, seemed on the verge of trying to drag him back in, but Lea closed the portal before any concerted effort from the darkness could be made.

Yen Sid was already on his feet, and Kairi was talking quickly, again explaining what had happened and what needed to be done. Lea dropped to his knees beside the hirsute giant. Blood ran from gashes on his sides, arms, and face, and the black blood of the Heartless stained his claws and teeth. Gently, Lea placed a hand on the massive barrel chest. He could just barely feel the breath rattling in and out of the huge lungs. There was a kind of numbing fire burning through Lea's veins, an exhaustion coupled with a compulsion to do something, overridden by the fact that there was actually nothing he could do. Yen Sid shoved him out of the way. Lea stumbled to his feet and stood to the side while the old wizard worked. Kairi hovered near the beast and the master, her hands over her mouth, eyes brimming with tears.

Lea stayed until Yen Sid was through working.

"How is he?" Kairi asked softly.

"He will recover." Yen Sid answered, rising and placing his hat gently back on his white-haired head. His hands were bloodied, his sleeves rolled up. "What he needs now is rest."

"He can use my room," Lea said, tiredly. "I'll find somewhere else to stay."

Yen Sid merely nodded. Kairi was kneeling at the Beast's side, smoothing his hair back from his forehead.

"I guess I'll go tell Belle," Lea said. No one answered him, which he took as acquiescence. If anyone wanted to stop him, they'd just have to go and get him. Though he was exhausted, he knew he would be unable to rest, and longed for something to occupy his mind and his time until the exhaustion overcame the frantic pounding of his heart.

He crossed back into the darkness, glaring at it as though daring it to come any closer to him, to touch him with those curious tendrils, daring it to try and get out past him through the portal. The walk back to the castle was much shorter, perhaps because he was walking quickly, perhaps because he was no longer measuring the distance in a beast's dying breaths.

When he did arrive, it was just outside Belle's door. He knocked, and when she answered the door she could tell immediately that something was wrong. Evidently his poker face had collapsed at some point over the past few hours.

"What happened?" she demanded. "Where's Beast?"

"He's going to be fine." Lea reassured her. "He was in bad shape, but Kairi and I got him back to Yen Sid's in one piece. He's recovering there. Should be right as rain in no time."

Belle put her hands to her face and took a deep, shuddering breath. When she lowered her hands, her face was composed, although it appeared slightly more lined and careworn than it had moments ago. "All right." she said. "Thank you for telling me . . . Lea, was it?"

"That's me," Lea answered. "Glad to see you've got it memorized already."

"And send my thanks to Kairi as well, would you?" she told him.

"Sure," he replied, and turned to leave. As he opened the portal to the darkness, a thought occurred to him, and he looked over his shoulder at her. "Doesn't it hurt?" he inquired.

"Doesn't what hurt?" she asked, puzzled.

"Being worried about him like this," Lea said. "Him being hurt, and you having to stay here."

"Yes." she answered. "It hurts terribly."

"Hm," said Lea, and walked away into the darkness.

It must, he thought, have taken incredible strength to hurt that much and still stand so tall and calm. He couldn't imagine what a mess he'd be if the one who was recovering from deadly wounds many worlds away was Ro―

Lea stormed through the darkness, refusing to think on the matter any more.

* * *

When his rage had calmed, he found himself sitting atop the clock tower in Twilight Town, staring out at the city and the sky and the setting sun without seeing any of it. A lonely, quiet calm settled over him as he watched the pink and golden clouds drift sedately across the sky. Suddenly his mouth was dry and he craved the taste of sea-salt ice cream, his ears rang with the silence and he craved a friendly voice, he shivered with the chill of evening and craved a companion for whom he could pretend to be comfortably warm.

He sighed, feeling defeated and full of something that was emptier than all the nothing he'd had _before_. No matter how much time went by, no matter how far or how fast he ran, he still couldn't escape this feeling.

Morosely, he wondered if the rest of his days would be just like this, and as the sun set, he decided that yes, they probably would be.

* * *

It was only a few days later that Sora and Riku finally returned, looking battered and worn, but triumphant. Kairi monopolized their time for about the first eight hours, but after that Lea finally managed to get a few words of the story.

"It was pretty tough," Sora admitted, "especially before we figured out what the castle was doing."

Lea raised an eyebrow. "And what was the castle doing?"

"Uhh," Sora said, and looked helplessly at Riku.

"We were trapped in Sora's memory of Castle Oblivion." Riku answered. "The real giveaway was when members of the Organization started showing up."

"_What?_" Lea cried. "The Organization?"

"Just Sora's memories of them." Riku answered. "It was pretty obvious, since most of them have been recompleted. The real giveaway was when _you_ showed up."

"When _Axel_ showed up." Sora objected.

Lea wasn't sure whether to be angry at Riku or pleased that Sora recalled the distinction―the feelings came in such quick succession that it was hard for him to disentangle them from the general confusion and worry surrounding Sora and Riku's tale of Castle Oblivion.

"Well, so what happened?" Lea prompted.

"Oh. Right!" Sora began illustrating the story in his usual bombastic manner. "Well, once we got out of the memory, we had to go looking for some chamber―"

"The Chamber of Dreaming." Riku said.

"Yeah, that one. It took a while, but we finally found it."

"You _found_ it?" Lea cried, his heart leaping in his chest. The thing he'd sought all those years at the Organization without even knowing why―and now he would finally know what it contained. He had no doubt that any locks upon the door would not have stood up to Riku and Sora's combined Keyblades.

"Yeah!" Sora said. "Once we got the door open, you'll never guess what we found inside."

"Who we found inside." Riku said. "One of the Keyblade wielders of long ago. His name is Ventus."

"So we woke him up," Sora said, "but it wasn't easy. He was really, really asleep, kind of like I was back when Xehanort was trying to use me as a vessel. So we had to take him to the other chamber―"

"The Chamber of Waking." Riku clarified.

"Right, that one. So we brought him there, and . . . I don't really know what happened. My heart talked to his. It was really familiar for some reason, like I'd been talking to him for years. But then he just sort of . . . woke up. He was kinda confused at first, but we explained some things to him, and now he's with Merlin getting everything sorted out."

"So that's what was in there," Lea mused to himself.

"Yeah," Sora said, "and it was really weird, 'cause he looks just like Ro―"

Some kind of strange ringing filled Lea's ears and he felt suddenly dizzy. The pain in his heart grew almost intolerable and he stumbled back.

"Whoah," Sora said, reaching towards him, "Lea, are you okay?"

"Leave me alone," Lea snapped, making a slashing motion with his hand through the air. Sora stopped short, hurt plain in his large blue eyes.

"Okay," he said, "sorry."

When Lea looked over at Riku, there was something approaching compassion visible on his usually unreadable face. "Come on, Sora," he said. "We should let Master Yen Sid know we're back."

"R-right," Sora said, obviously disturbed by Lea's display.

The two of them left, and Lea sank to the floor, one hand pressed to his heart. The pain was dulling now, but he was still disconcerted by just how much it had _hurt_. The idea that there was someone out there, wearing His face but without any of His memories―it gave Lea both a perverse kind of hope and a terrific dread of meeting this Ventus. He knew it could only make him hurt worse, but the draw to see Him again was so incredibly powerful it was almost irresistible, and his heart could not be convinced that this tenuous thread of hope was a false one. Perhaps, his heart argued, perhaps he won't be so different. Maybe we can get him back after all. Maybe it doesn't have to be this lonely forever.

Lea told his heart it was a moron and decided to ignore its advice from there on.

* * *

Afterwards, missions continued as they had before; Lea and Kairi would go out Heartless-hunting as a team, Sora with Donald and Goofy, and Riku with the King. There seemed to be no end to the Heartless; even once a world had been cleared of them, the creatures would return in even greater numbers within a few weeks. Nobodies joined the fray with increasing regularity, and occasionally entire worlds were swarmed over with Dusks. All of the Keyblade wielders had their hands full, and Lea was beginning to wonder when this Ventus would finally turn up and make himself useful.

This went on for about two weeks, and Lea began to fall into a rhythm. He would go on missions with Kairi, meet up with Sora and Riku back at Yen Sid's, and quickly find time to sneak away to his room or some other secluded place―anything to avoid sticking around the three of them.

On the evening of the thirteenth day, the four of them had gone back to Yen Sid's to relax and hang out as usual. Lea had left the three old friends there, with only the excuse that there was something he had to take care of and that he'd be back soon. Even he hadn't quite been sure what it was until he'd found himself atop the clock tower again, looking out at the sunset. Although it was a painful place, there was a certain calm that settled over him only when he was there. It wasn't pleasant, but it lent him a certain clarity of mind. Again, he paused to wonder why his heart kept bringing him to this place―he had no doubt that it was his heart doing it. His mind knew that there was no point.

That night, Lea chose to take the stairs rather than open a portal through the darkness back to his temporary room in Traverse Town. He was watching his feet, lost in thought, still struggling to come to terms with what he was slowly beginning to realize was _grief._

He almost ran into the boy at the bottom of the stairs, pulling up short and stumbling back as the figure entered his peripheral vision. He tripped on the stairs and just managed to catch himself on the railing; to no avail, because his knees gave out and he sank to the ground, sitting on the stairs wide-eyed and breathless.

_He_ was looking at him with those calm blue eyes, a slight crease between his thin eyebrows, his lips pressed together. Lea stared at him uncomprehending, wondering when he was going to wake up, wondering when his heart was going to stutter and die from this sudden tangled explosion of feeling that was clawing its way out from his chest.

"Hey," He said.

Lea struggled to find his voice amongst all the other confused things inside him. "Hey," he muttered hoarsely.

They stared at each other for a long, unbroken moment.

"Do you . . . remember me?" Lea managed at last.

_His_ head turned a little to the side and the streetlamp outside haloed Him with gold-orange light. "Yeah," He said, "mostly. I remember . . . someone. Maybe he wasn't quite you, but he was close."

Lea pulled himself shakily to his feet. "It's . . . Lea. Maybe you remember me as Axel?"

He thought, then shook His head. "No. I think it _was_ Lea." He looked at Lea for a moment, considering. "My name's Ventus." he said. "You can call me Ven. I think we met before."

Lea remembered the entire encounter at once, with such stunning force that it almost knocked him off his feet again. "That's right," he said. "You were moping out in the courtyard in Radiant Garden. I challenged you to a fight."

Ven smirked. "I beat you pretty bad."

"I was having an off-day!" Lea objected, hands on his hips. "You got lucky. Any other day, I would have beat you, easy."

There exploded from Ven a laugh that Axel remembered quite well from those days on the clock tower such a long time ago, _before_, when they had all just started to realize that they could feel but refused to admit it to themselves because if they already _had hearts_, then what were they fighting for?

"Heh," Lea chuckled. "All right, sure, fine, you can laugh. But we're having a rematch. Soon. Then you'll see."

"Sure we will." Ven said. "I'm looking forward to it."

Silence fell.

The strangeness of the situation impressed itself on Lea, and he couldn't help but chuckle a self-deprecating kind of laugh. "Wow, this is silly. Look, do you have anywhere you're staying? 'Cause it's getting late, and I have, y'know, places to be. I'm a Keyblade wielder now too, y'know."

Ven's eyes went wide with admiration. Lea's heart swelled and fluttered. "Really?! Wow! Lea, that's great! How'd it happen? A-and when? I wanna know _everything!_"

Lea was swept along on the tide of Ven's excitement. There was something definitively Sora-esque about this enthusiasm, this great wash of affection and pride for someone else's fortune. There was also, he had to admit, a weird kind of pleasure in seeing _that face_ so innocently happy. It had been a very, very long time since he'd seen that smile. So he told the whole story, from Sora's dreaming to Xehanort's plan, to the impending clash of the thirteen shards of darkness and the seven of light, and it was there that Ven became so excited that he could scarcely contain himself.

"That means―!" he gasped. "Terra and Aqua! They're still out there somewhere! They'll be coming back!" He was nearly unintelligible after that, and it took Lea quite some time to get him to explain who Terra and Aqua even _were._ Once that was done, they found themselves back in Yen Sid's tower, and Mickey and the old magician himself stole Ven away from Lea with cries of delight (in Mickey's case) and grim satisfaction (in Yen Sid's). Lea suddenly found himself alone in his small room in Traverse Town while Ven was worlds away, being worried over and praised and welcomed home.

He sat on his bed, feeling all the life drain out of him, all the _feeling_ drain away and leave his heart pounding against an emptiness too vast for his body to contain.

He had come _so close_ to having Him back. If he shut out the dry voice at the back of his mind and ignored the changes in voice and expression, he could pretend that He _was_ back, that everything would be as they had promised up on that clock tower so long ago―that they would run away from the Organization together, and never have to part ways; that Axel would always be there to bring him back and that He would always be by Axel's side.

Axel had kept his promise, even through death and out the other side.

_He_ was never coming back.


	3. Longing for the Darkness

_"In helpless prayers, the hope lives on._

_As I've come clean, I've forgotten what I've promised._

_In the rays of the sun, I am longing for the darkness."_

-Opeth, "Closure"

* * *

At first, any chance sight of Ven out of the corner of Lea's eye sent his heart into wild flutterings of hope that quickly plunged into abysses of despair. This lasted about a week, before the sight of Ven no longer immediately triggered all the feelings in Lea's heart that were aching to get free. The more time he spent around Ven, the clearer it became that he was _not_ the one from _before_. The way he spoke was different, the way he dressed was odd, the way he carried himself was completely foreign. Even his sense of humor was different. While this was at first a painful dissonance, it eventually became easier for Lea to accept that this was a different person, albeit one with His face. Lea's memories of Ven from years ago helped with this―it gave him something else to focus on when he was around him.

Unfortunately, he was around Ven rather often. Since Lea was the only person around whom Ven had ever met before (except for Sora, but that was a can of spiritual worms nobody really wanted to open), Ven tended to stick pretty close to him. Granted, their acquaintance had been brief, but apparently the experience had had a profound impact on Ven.

One day, between missions, while they were exploring Disney Castle on Ven's request, Lea decided to ask about it.

"Hey, Ven," he said, as they passed a topiary with the enormous likeness of the King.

"Yeah?" said Ven. The attentive, happy look he gave Lea made his heart twinge.

"I'm not complaining or anything, but how come you and me spend so much time together?"

"Because you're my friend," Ven answered.

Lea shook his head. "But you have lots of friends, right? Sora, for sure, since he's _everyone's_ friend."

"I dunno," Ven said, looking away, "it's just kind of weird to talk to him in person now. Talking to someone with your heart isn't quite the same."

"I'll take your word for it. But you've gotta have other friends than me, right?" Lea persisted.

Ven thought about it. "I guess," he said. "Yeah, I guess I have lots of friends all over the place." This seemed to brighten his demeanor. "I never really thought about it that way." His face grew serious again. "It's just . . . different. You were the first friend I made out in the worlds. The first friend I had who wasn't Terra or Aqua. I thought those two were the only friends I needed, and when they left . . . I was scared I'd never be able to make other friends. After I met you, though, it was easy." He looked over at Lea and smiled and Lea's heart melted. "It kind of means a lot to me."

Lea looked away and rubbed the back of his head. "Yeah, well. Just don't go telling everyone. I don't want them to know I have a soft side. They'll walk all over me!"

Ven snorted. "A soft side? _You?_ They'd never believe it."

"Hey! What's that supposed to mean?"

In answer, Ven only laughed, and Lea couldn't help but to join in.

* * *

They were down in the Gummi Hangar, exploring the quiet machinery. Up until then, their conversation had trended more towards the inconsequential and light-hearted.

"What was he like?" Ven asked abruptly.

Lea looked over, puzzled. "What was who like?"

"Axel." Ven clarified. "What was he like?"

"Well," Lea said, considering, "he was a lot like me. Maybe more selfish. No, a lot more selfish. He didn't exactly have his priorities in order. Why do you ask?"

Ven shrugged. "Just curious, I guess." He kicked a loose stone into the deep abyss through which Gummi ships exited the world. "I've heard some stuff about the Organization. I . . . didn't really believe that you could have done those things."

"Well, I did." Lea said. "And like most of us, I didn't care at first. After a while, it all started to get on my nerves, and I started really wondering about why we were doing all that stuff. A lot of us did." He smiled wryly. "Most of us didn't survive wondering."

Ven looked over at him, astonished. Lea hastened to add, "Not that I'm advocating that kind of thing! Really the only reason I made it out mostly alive was because my top priority was saving my own skin." His nose wrinkled. "It still kinda bothers me."

"But you didn't have a heart then, right?"

"Not exactly, no. It kind of . . . grew in. I didn't realize that that's what was happening, but thinking back on it, it makes sense." He chuckled. "Right up until the end, I kept on pretending I didn't have a heart, even when it was the only thing that could explain what was going on."

Ven suddenly turned to face him, looking up into his face very earnestly. Lea was taken rather off guard. "I don't blame you." Ven said. He put a hand to his own chest and looked at the floor. "My heart was fractured into light and dark. Seeing what the dark part did, with only a little bit of a heart . . . I can't imagine what it would be like to not have one at all."

"Not actually all that difficult." Lea said, tousling Ven's hair and walking past. "Come on, our day off's almost over! There's still something I want to do."

Ven trotted along behind him, excited. "What is it?" he asked.

Lea grinned. "You'll see."

* * *

"Wha―? Where are we?" Ven was enchanted, his eyes wide with wonder.

"Destiny Islands." Lea answered, leaning his back against the crooked tree behind him. "Sora, Riku, and Kairi are from here."

"Really?" Ven looked around, his gaze eventually settling on the setting sun. "Why'd they ever leave?"

Lea shook his head. "You can get tired of any place if you stay there too long. Didn't you ever get tired of your home?"

Ven's face fell. "Yeah. I did."

"Sore subject?"

"Kind of. My home . . . isn't there anymore."

"Tch. That's tough."

They stayed quiet for a while, Lea leaning against the tree and Ven sitting on its trunk just to his right. The only sound was the soft sighing of the waves lapping against the sandy shore and the light wind in the island trees.

"Lea?" Ven asked.

"Hm?"

"Why does the sun set red?"

The question struck like a hammer-blow. Lea stared straight ahead, his heart swarming over with feelings he had no name for. For quite some time, he could not formulate an answer. There was a great deal of pain associated with the feelings, and he was struggling to fight it down and contain it.

"Lea?"

"Couldn't tell you." he answered at last, his voice curiously flat. "Never stopped to wonder."

"Oh well." Ven said, turning back to the setting sun. "I'll ask King Mickey. Maybe he'll know."

"Probably," Lea said, pushing himself off of the tree. "Well, we'd better head back. It's getting dark."

Ven hopped off the tree and landed with a crunch in the white sand. "Okay." As Lea was opening the portal to the darkness, he asked, "Hey, Lea? Next time we have a day off, can we come here again to watch the sun set?"

Without turning around, he answered, "We'll see, Ven."

He didn't know whether to be overjoyed or distraught.

* * *

Fortunately for Lea, it was around this time that a perpetual business settled over the Keyblade wielders. Heartless were becoming ever more common across the worlds, and not a day went by that the fate of some world or another didn't hang in the balance. The monsters were _everywhere_, swarming over the worlds like cockroaches, and it was up to the Keyblade wielders to exterminate them. Usually, by the time Lea got home after a mission, he was too exhausted to do anything but wash the gore off of himself and go straight to bed.

Meanwhile, Beast had recovered admirably and, after a week of rest and recuperation, had returned to Belle and his castle. Lea moved back into Yen Sid's tower as soon as Beast was gone, with the complaint that Traverse Town was swarming with Heartless and he could hardly go a single night without having to wake up to kill some of them. While the defenses around Yen Sid's tower were not optimal, they at least kept the Heartless out of his sleeping area.

As such, Lea saw very little of Ven―or of anyone, really. Lea and Kairi had become proficient enough with their Keyblades that Yen Sid had deemed them fit to go on missions by themselves, albeit to the less infested of the worlds. Such was the scale of the Heartless invasion that even with five Keyblade wielders (Ven was still re-training) each working alone in separate worlds, they seemed to scarcely dent the population of Heartless. After some time, there grew a little tradition of eating together when possible―whether breakfast or dinner, whether at the crack of dawn or the dead of night―just because there seemed to be no other time for any human contact.

About a week after his first solo mission, Lea dragged himself to the common eating area still dressed in his gore-stained clothes, his hair matted and blackened from the blood of the Heartless. He flung himself down into a chair and stared vacantly at the ceiling for a long moment, waiting for the gears in his brain to engage.

Someone set a tray of food down in front of him, which seemed to get the process started. Lethargically, he looked over to see who had brought him dinner―Kairi sat next to him, her own tray before her, and gave him a wan smile.

"Long day?" she asked.

"Mmph," Lea replied, only just then realizing that his mouth was full. He hadn't even noticed when he'd started eating.

Kairi laughed, although it was clear that she, too, was exhausted. "Seems like there are only long days, recently."

Across from them, Sora and Riku seated themselves. "Hey," Sora greeted Lea.

Lea swallowed down his food―either it actually had no taste, or he was currently incapable of such delicate sensations as tasting. "How'd it go?" he asked.

"It was okay, I guess." Sora said.

"That bad, huh?" Riku joked, nudging Sora with his elbow.

"Hey!" Sora cried. "I guess it was all fun and games for _you_, huh?"

"Sure," Riku replied, with a toss of the head. "We had a parade."

Lea made a sound of disgust, shaking his head. "I don't know where you two get the energy to joke around like that."

"They can't help it, Lea. It comes as naturally to them as breathing."

"Yeah!" Sora agreed. "Besides, it makes things easier, knowing that at the end of the day, I can come back here and laugh with my friends."

Lea stood up abruptly. "Well. It's been fun." he said. "But I think I'm going to get some sleep before I have to go out and do all this again tomorrow." He walked out amidst puzzled good-nights, choking on the loneliness welling up from his heart.

It really would make things easier, if he could go home and laugh with his friends.

It was too bad they were all dead.

* * *

Ven had asked Lea to show him around Cinderella's world, and Lea had not been able to say no. The pain in his heart was well worth the joy and wonder on Ven's face. As before, they talked mainly about the world around them, or the past, or their upcoming "rematch" that neither one could be bothered to set an actual date for. Lea figured that Ven, like himself, was actually much too busy and exhausted to bother with shenanigans like good-natured contests of skill with old friends. Certainly, if Ven had challenged him right then and there, he would have been able to rattle off about six excuses to postpone the contest without even thinking about it.

"Lea?" Ven asked.

"You never run out of questions, huh." Lea said, smirking at Ven.

"Those portals you make. What are they?"

Lea looked away very quickly. "I guess you could call them an artifact from my time in the Organization. One of the first things we were taught was how to control the darkness. We could use it to get from place to place, world to world, in almost no time." He scratched the back of his head. "I guess it stuck with me when I got recompleted."

"Wait," Ven said, "you can open up portals to the darkness?"

"Yeah," Lea answered, wondering where Ven was going with this. "What about it?"

"Like, the _actual_ Darkness?"

"No, the other one." Lea rolled his eyes. "Yes, the Actual Darkness. Got it memorized?"

Ven's face lit up like a fireworks show. "We could find Aqua!"

Terror clenched Lea's heart in an icy grip. "Wait, we could do _what_ now?"

"Aqua!" Ven insisted excitedly. "She got lost in the darkness. Even Master Yen Sid doesn't know where she is. He said it would be almost impossible to find her from here. But _you_ can travel into the darkness! You can help me find her, Lea!"

"No, I can't." Lea snapped. "The darkness is huge, Ven. It's enormous and dangerous. You think there are a lot of Heartless here? You haven't _seen_ 'a lot of Heartless' until you've wandered around in the darkness for a few hours. I'm talking _millions_, here, kid. Even if we _could_ stick around in there long enough to look for your friend without getting killed, the odds that she's still alive after all this time are slim to none."

Ven shook his head adamantly. "Aqua's a Keyblade Master. She got her Mark of Mastery. She's still alive." He put a hand to his heart. "I can feel it."

"In your _heart?_" Lea sneered. "Listen, Ven, hearts don't _know_ anything. They're morons. All they do is lead you astray and cause you pain. Your _heart_ tells you Aqua is still alive? Your heart is only telling you what it wishes was true!" He found himself unreasonably furious. "She's _dead,_ Ven! She got lost in the darkness and the Heartless _killed her._ They wore her down to nothing and then they killed her when she got too weak to fight. And they'll do the same to anyone who goes looking for her!" He turned his back to walk away, pausing to say over his shoulder, "I'm sorry, kid. She's not coming back."

"You're wrong." Ven said quietly. Lea paused, but did not turn around. "I _know_ Aqua's still alive. My heart knows. Even if she―if she _did_ get swallowed up by the darkness―people have come back from there before! I came back. _You_ came back!"

"It's not the same," Lea said, shaking his head.

"I don't care!" Ven cried. "And I don't care whether you help me or not. I'm going to find her, even if I have to look for the rest of my life!"

Lea turned around, every part of him aching with a pain he couldn't quite place. He smiled at Ven. "Well jeez, kid, if it means that much to you, why didn't you just say so?" He shook his head and sighed. "It's an icky job, but hey, I'm used to picking up the icky jobs."

Ven's eyes filled with a sudden bright hope. Lea felt like he'd been stabbed. "You'll help?" Ven asked, helpless optimism dripping from his every word.

"Of course I will." Lea declared flippantly, and rustled Ven's hair. "What are friends for, after all?"

To his surprise, Ven embraced him, squeezing him around the middle until he could scarcely breathe. After a moment, Lea gently put his hands on Ven's shoulders.

"All right, let go, kid. You're gonna squeeze me to death like that."

Ven let go and took a step back, wiping his eyes surreptitiously. "Sorry," he said.

Lea put a heavy hand on Ven's head. "Don't apologize." he said. He wasn't sure how he could be in so much pain and still be standing, much less talking in this normal-sounding voice. "Come on. We should be getting back. We can start searching tomorrow, after we're done with our missions."

"All right." said Ven; then, as Lea was opening his portal homewards, "Lea?"

"More questions, Ven?" Lea joked.

"Thank you."

"Don't mention it," he replied offhandedly, but in his heart Ven's gratitude made all the pain seem somehow worth it.


	4. All This Killing Time

_"Is it worth the wait, all this killing time?_

_And are you strong enough to stand_

_Protecting both your heart and mine?"_

―Florence + The Machine, "Heavy In Your Arms"

* * *

As Lea had suspected it would, the first foray into the darkness went very poorly. At the outset, Ven was energetic and fidgety, and his nervous excitement was mildly contagious.

"Stick close to me, all right?" Lea told him, before even opening the portal. "If we get separated, you won't have a way to get back."

"Okay," Ven said. His hands were slowly clenching and unclenching at his sides. Lea put a hand on his shoulder and Ven met his eyes. Lea felt like he'd stuck his head in a bucket of ice water.

"Whatever happens," Lea told him, "don't get lost. Got it memorized?"

Ven nodded decisively. "I won't." he said.

"All right, then." Lea turned and opened the portal. Behind him, he heard the breaking-glass sound of Ven drawing his Keyblade.

They stepped into the darkness, and Lea closed the portal behind them; there was no sense in giving the Heartless another way to get out into the worlds, even if it meant Ven might get trapped there in the darkness. He'd stayed up most of the night worrying about what would happen to Ven if something went wrong and Lea wasn't able to open a portal home―like if he died, for example. Lea tried not to be afraid of death, tried to convince himself that he'd died twice before and it hadn't really been all that bad, but his heart beat faster in something approaching panic every time he thought about it. He wasn't sure if it was fear for his own life or for Ven's.

The darkness was close and cold, filled with indistinct noises at indeterminate distances. It wasn't so bad, at first; Lea took short forays through the darkness all the time. However, after about a minute and a half, the atmosphere grew oppressive, grating, and Lea found himself growing tense and nervous. It did not take long for him to draw his Keyblade as well. This, as it turned out, was a mistake.

The Heartless swarmed them almost instantly, crashing down like an ocean wave. Lea and Ven were swept apart by the tide, and though Lea fought like a tiger to get back to Ven, it took all his strength just to stay on his feet. There were uncountable numbers of Heartless. He could scarcely make out Ven fighting against them, his movements clumsy while he struggled with the Keyblade's still-unfamiliar weight. Lea didn't get to watch for long. The Heartless occupied his full attention.

"_Lea!_" Ven cried. Lea caught a glimpse of the boy, surrounded by Heartless, battered and bloodied, panic in his wide blue eyes. Lea didn't bother calling back. He found strength from somewhere and cut a swath through the Heartless, though they stung and whipped him as he passed. He scooped Ven up with one arm and opened a portal home with the other, while the Heartless struck down on his back like a rain of daggers. He staggered through the portal, Ven hanging limply in his grasp, and closed it swiftly behind him. He dropped Ven, killed the three Heartless that had squeezed through with them, and then fell to the ground. Dimly, he could make out Ven's face only a few feet from him; as he passed into unconsciousness, he had no way of telling if the boy was alive or dead. Agony surged through his heart―that face―_His _face―dying? He had to do something―was it already too late? His fault, all his fault―_Rox_―

* * *

When Lea awoke, Yen Sid was standing over him. Lea groaned. He ached all over, and the wounds on his back had not yet healed. As he tried to sit up, the bedsheets clung to the healing lacerations, tugging on them painfully. Lea decided to stay lying down, for now.

"What _possibly_ could have possessed you to do that?" Yen Sid demanded. It was the most emotion Lea had ever heard in his voice.

"Kid wanted to find his friend." Lea answered groggily. Suddenly he sat bolt-upright, completely insensitive to the pain of his wounds. "Where's Ven?" he gasped. "Is he all right?"

"He will recover." Yen Sid said. His stern expression did not change one iota.

As the panic drained from him, Lea's wounds began to twinge again. They were multitudinous, covering his back, arms, and legs, although the ones on his back were by far the worst. "Well." Lea said, feigning indifference. "Good. Maybe _he_ can get a stern talking-to when you're done with me."

"Ventus was not responsible for this travesty." Yen Sid declared. "_You_, however, _are_."

Lea rubbed the back of his head, though it stretched his wounds and made them twinge. "What was I supposed to do?" he asked. "Tell the kid his friend's dead? I tried that. He wouldn't listen. Said his heart told him she was still alive. I figured, hey, if he won't believe me, maybe he'll believe the darkness."

"So you decided, in your wisdom, to get both him and yourself killed." Yen Sid said, raising an eyebrow.

"It wasn't supposed to go like that." Lea told him. "I . . . didn't think there'd be so many."

"You have made a grievous error, Lea." Yen Sid said. "We cannot afford to lose any of our Keyblade wielders. As such, I forbid you from taking Ventus back into the darkness for _any_ reason."

"You _forbid_ me?" Lea said, incredulous. He almost laughed.

"Indeed." Yen Sid turned to leave. "When your wounds are sufficiently healed, you may resume your missions. Until then, the rest of your friends will have to pick up the slack." The comment knocked the breath out of him, although perhaps not for the reason Yen Sid had intended.

As Yen Sid was opening the door to glide out, Lea said quietly, "They're not my friends."

Yen Sid looked over his shoulder, his eyebrows nearly touching his hat. "No?" he said.

Lea shook his head. "No." His fists clenched on the blankets over his knees. "All _my_ friends are dead."

"You will have a very lonely heart indeed, if it has no room for replacements." Yen Sid said.

"Get out." Lea spat.

Master Yen Sid obliged, closing the door softly behind him.

* * *

Although Lea's wounds healed fairly quickly, they were severe enough that he was unable to leave the Tower for several days. When he was well enough that he could move without undue pain, he found Master Yen Sid and informed him, restrainedly, that he was ready to return to his duties.

He almost saluted, but decided that was, possibly, too frivolous.

"Ah, Lea." Yen Sid said, looking up from his papers. "Are your wounds healing?"

"Yes." Lea replied. "I'm ready to get back to work."

Yen Sid considered him carefully for a moment. "If that is what you wish." he said.

Lea nodded curtly.

"Very well." The old wizard looked back to his papers. "There has been trouble brewing in the Pride Lands and I cannot spare anyone to go there."

"I'll take care of it." Lea said.

"There is a Gummi ship in the hangar." Yen Sid said.

Lea grit his teeth, biting back the fury that boiled up in him. Was it not enough to prevent him from taking Ven into the darkness? Were his own powers to be abridged as well? His fists clenched and his jaw began to ache, but he somehow managed to keep his temper under control.

"Yes, sir." he growled, and stalked from the room, towards the Gummi hangar.

He passed very few other living creatures on his way down―there were a few Heartless on the Tower stairs, as per usual, but Lea treated this as an opportunity to exert some of his rage on something other than Master Yen Sid himself. By the time he got down to the hangar, the cathartic hack-and-slash had siphoned off enough of his anger that his mind was clearer. When he thought about it, he decided that, perhaps, it was just as well Master Yen Sid didn't want him to use the darkness to travel from place to place; he found himself sickened with dread by the thought of going back into that cold, dark space between spaces.

In the Gummi cockpit, he looked over the controls with slight trepidation.

"Hope I remember how to fly one of these things," he commented to himself.

"Hey there, Lea!" the intercom chirped. Lea rolled his eyes and strapped himself in. It was impossible to tell if the speaker was Chip or Dale, but then again, they were both equally annoying, so it mattered very little. "Need a refresher on piloting a Gummi?"

"No." Lea snapped. "Just launch."

"Well okay, Lea, if you say so." the other chipmunk said. "But if you ever need―"

"Just. Launch."

There was a pause from the other end. "Okay, Lea. Launching."

Lea was fairly certain his stomach slammed up into his head when the bottom dropped out from beneath the ship.

Fortunately, the Gummi controls were designed to be intuitive (how hard could they be, if Sora had figured them out?), and he got the hang of flying within a few minutes. The trip was, initially, smooth sailing; it was only the last few minutes when the Heartless finally caught up to him. Things were rough until he figured out where the controls for the ship's laser cannons were; after that, he had to admit, the trip got a lot more fun.

He landed the Gummi ship, perhaps a little more roughly than was good for it, in a round alcove at the base of a canyon. Without the benefit of magic, he had to take extra care not to be spotted by the inhabitants of this world; in a place populated entirely by four-legged creatures, it would be painfully obvious that he was from _elsewhere_.

He spent his day trekking through the canyon and killing Heartless―even they fit in better than Lea did. He encountered no other creatures, and was, for the most part, grateful for it. When his mind was not occupied with battle, he was thinking about his excursion into the darkness with Ven. The knowledge that he'd almost gotten them both killed made him shaky and sick to his stomach, and yet he couldn't make himself stop thinking about it. By the time the sun was beginning to set, Lea had decided he needed more time alone to think. He slept in the Gummi ship that night, telling himself he would return home tomorrow, or the next day, or perhaps the next. In the end, he decided he would stay until he had figured out his feelings about the whole mess.

As it turned out, the amount of time that took was around a week. By the end of it, Lea had come to the conclusion that what he'd done was irresponsible and idiotic; that Yen Sid had been absolutely right to forbid him from ever doing it again; and that there was no force in any world that would make him put Ven's life in danger ever again―the memory of _that face_, bloodied and bruised and half-dead, was enough to convince him of that. He also felt a powerful need to see Ven alive and whole again, as though his heart couldn't quite be sure he was all right until it had seen him with its own eyes.

So it was that after six and a half days of turmoil and isolation, Lea returned home, his heart still aching but his will shored up with iron.

* * *

Ven was waiting for him when he got back. Lea's heart leapt upon seeing the boy alive and well, although his joy was not without a sharp pang of guilt. Ven grinned and waved at him through the windshield of the Gummi. Lea rather felt like his heart was pounding against a bed of nails.

"Lea!" Ven cried, as Lea stepped onto the Gummi platform. He ran over and seemed on the verge of embracing the redhead, but apparently Lea's exaggerated arms-over-head stretch discouraged the action. "Where have you been?"

"Whoah," Lea said, grinning, "didn't know there'd be an inquisition."

Ven crossed his arms and glared. "You're avoiding the question." he pointed out.

Lea chuckled and put a hand on Ven's head. "Sure am, kid. Better get used to it. Got it memorized?" He headed for the exit, knowing Ven would trail along behind him. He was, he had to admit, rather enjoying this rapport.

"Was it a top-secret mission?" Ven asked, hovering by Lea's elbow.

"Not _top_ secret," Lea told him. "Actually, not secret at all."

"Then why won't you tell me about it?" Ven demanded.

Lea grinned again. "Because I like making you guess."

Ven scowled. "That's not fair," he said.

"Sure isn't." Lea answered.

Ven grumbled an indistinct response and the two of them continued on without speaking for a time.

"I'm glad you're okay." Ven said eventually. "Master Yen Sid said you were pretty badly hurt, after. . . ."

Lea waved a hand. "You know how Yen Sid is. Everything's always _grave_ with him. It wasn't that bad, really." He looked over at the boy, who still had a few scratches on his face. "I'm just glad _you're_ okay." he admitted.

Ven looked up at him suddenly; the unexpected eye contact left Lea breathless. However, it took Ven a few moments to finally speak his reply. "When are we going back?"

Lea sighed. "Yen Sid forbade me to take you back into the darkness, for any reason." he said.

Ven's disappointment was palpable. "You mean . . . not even to look for Aqua?" he asked, pained.

Lea shook his head. "I don't know what to tell you, Ven." he said. "I'm sorry." He made the mistake of looking over.

Ven had stopped walking, was standing staring at his shoes with his fists and jaw clenched. As Lea watched, a tear slid down the side of his face and dripped off of his chin. He choked back a sob, then angrily wiped his eyes with the back of his hand. "I was so close," he muttered, his voice thick with emotion. "We could have found her. We could have gotten her back." He looked up at Lea, his eyes reddened with tears. "What if she's lost forever?"

Lea's iron will crumbled like a sandcastle before the tide of Ven's grief. He walked over and put a hand on the boy's shoulder. "She isn't." he said. "And Yen Sid can forbid all he wants. We're not going to stop looking for her. You'll learn to use the Keyblade better, we'll get stronger, and we'll keep looking until we find her, no matter how long it takes."

Ven embraced him again, and Lea was far less hesitant in returning the gesture than he had been before. It didn't matter that his heart was beating itself to death against his ribcage or that the dry voice in the back of his mind was cursing him for a fool.

If he had to be honest with himself, he really didn't mind.

* * *

Of course, it would not be simple to journey into the darkness without Yen Sid noticing. Lea spent the next several days puzzling over how best to keep their expeditions clandestine, not doubting for a moment that if Yen Sid found out, he would find a way to prevent Lea from seeing Ven altogether; that was something he absolutely could not allow to happen.

In order to keep their minor treachery a secret, Lea and Ven had decided to see as little of each other as possible, on the idea that if Yen Sid suspected they were rarely together, he would reason that it would be difficult for them to get into much trouble (this idea came mainly from Ven, who was rather more optimistic about the whole thing). This was, however, exactly the opposite of what Lea had wanted. The less he saw of Ven, the easier it was for him to accidentally pretend that their friendship had never been real, the easier it was to project thoughts and feelings onto that carefully blank face―the easier it was to get around to thinking that Ven did not, in fact, care about him at all. It did not take long before Lea's mind was constantly demeaning him and his heart spent its days silently screaming.

It was, thus, with a considerable amount of relief that Lea accepted Ven's invitation to explore Agrabah with him.

* * *

"I know we said we wouldn't," Ven said, as they disembarked the Gummi, "but things just got so . . . _boring_ without you around. There's nobody else to talk to."

"Oh, I don't know," Lea said. "You don't enjoy being fourth wheel to the Riku-Kairi-Sora tricycle?"

Ven looked at him, thoroughly confused. "What?" he said.

Lea shook his head, smiling. "Forget about it."

"Not one of the things I should get memorized, huh?"

Lea couldn't help but laugh. "Not unless you really want to." As the laughter drained, he found himself still smiling at Ven. "Gotta admit, though, I was kinda missing your company."

"You were?" Ven said, and there was some kind of hope on his face that sent Lea's heart into a pounding frenzy, made his stomach tie itself in knots. He had to look away.

"Yeah," he said, "it's nice to be the smartest person in the room sometimes."

"Hey!" Ven cried. "What's that supposed to mean?"

Lea only laughed in reply. He had to admit, even to himself, that it felt good to be around Ven again. It felt _right._ It felt like, maybe, there was something more than just a superficial alliance between the two of them. Maybe there could be.

Maybe, his heart whispered, _maybe._

"Anyway," Ven said, after a few more minutes of walking, "when do you think we could go looking for Aqua again?"

His heart's _maybes_ turned to weeping. "Well," he said, "that depends. Do you think you're ready to face all those Heartless again?"

Ven nodded. "I've been thinking. They only attacked once you got your Keyblade out, right? So maybe if we keep our Keyblades put away, they won't come after us."

Lea considered. "It might buy us some time, at least."

"We have a day off in a week," Ven said. "I was thinking, maybe, we could go then?"

"Sure," said Lea. "Not like I have anything else to do."

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Ven grinning at him. His heart's weeping ceased and it fluttered like a small winged thing.

"Thanks, Lea," Ven said.

"Don't mention it, kid." Lea replied.

_And when he finds out Aqua's really dead,_ the voice in the back of his head whispered, _then you'll be all he has, won't you. That's what you're planning. That's what you really want. But what will you do if he __**does**__ find her? I guess you could always __**die**__ again. Seemed to work out well last time._

Lea joined forces with his fluttering heart to shut that voice up in as small a box as he could find.

* * *

The week passed. Lea saw very little of Ven. The disparaging voice in the back of his mind grew ever more vicious and the fluttering of his heart grew into steady wingbeats that buoyed him against the constant weight of what the voice insisted should be called _the truth._ The internal conflict was taking its toll on Lea, and so by the time his day off rolled around he was about ready to throw himself at the Heartless just for the momentary peace of mind that would result from getting killed.

He met Ven in the Gummi hangar and they boarded the ship with only the most cursory of greetings. He could see how nervous Ven was―from the sweating palms that he kept wiping off on his pants to the constant fidgeting―and he tried to present an air of cool unconcern. If he had to be the calm one of the pair, that was a mantle he was prepared to take up.

They flew to the Pride Lands, where Lea figured that, first of all, there would be very few Heartless, and second of all, no one he knew would be there to stop him.

They disembarked into the dry canyon floor and Lea set about camouflaging the ship as best he could with yellowed grasses from the surrounding area. The result was less then stellar, but would probably make the ship less easily spotted. From great distances.

He turned to Ven. "Are you ready?" he asked.

Ven nodded once. For all his nervousness, the nod was decisive.

Lea walked over to him and put a hand on his shoulder. "You stick close to me, all right? Whatever happens."

"All right," Ven said, clearly not paying this statement the kind of attention Lea wanted. He took Ven by both shoulders and leaned down to look into his eyes.

"I mean it, Ven. I can't . . . lose you. If you get hurt, it's my responsibility. It's my . . . fault."

Ven looked into his eyes for a moment, his brows drawn together. "Yen Sid might think so." he said. "But I don't."

"But _I do._" Lea countered. "Like it or not, you're my responsibility. So . . . just don't get hurt, okay?"

Ven smiled. Lea's breath caught in his throat. "Don't worry, Lea." he said brightly. "I've been training. I'm ready."

Lea sighed and let go of him, straightening up. "Okay." he said, and opened the portal. _One last try,_ he thought, and looked over his shoulder at Ven. "Ven?" he said. "Are you sure you want to do this?"

He didn't even pause to consider it. "Of course!" he said, one hand over his heart. "Aqua needs me. She's my friend, and I can't abandon her."

Lea turned away, back to the portal. "No less than I would expect," he said, and walked through.

* * *

Perhaps it had been an hour, perhaps two; it was hard to tell in the darkness. Once his eyes had adjusted, Lea had been able to make out shapes―landforms, huge bridges and spires of black rock that cascaded up into inky skies or hurled themselves out over bottomless depths. True to his word, Ven stuck close to Lea. Neither had yet drawn their Keyblades, and though the presence of the Heartless pressed in around them (the creatures had a _smell_, Lea realized, an oppressive, hard-to-breathe smell), they had not yet been attacked.

His feet were sore and his eyes were straining, and Ven was quiet and the darkness was close and cold. But there, far in the distance―there was a light. A pale gray orb that scattered thousands of tiny reflections off of the surface beneath it.

"Is that . . ." Lea squinted, "a beach?" There certainly seemed to be water, and strange filigree structures sprouting from it; what might have been a spit of black sand with boulders strewn upon it; and was that―could it be―a human figure?

"_Aqua!_" Ven cried. He bolted from Lea's side, sprinting towards the black ocean and the figure standing by it. Lea ran after him, his chest crushed by a weight so heavy he could scarcely breathe.

She turned, saw Ven running towards her, and her face broke into the most luminous smile Lea had ever seen. Lea stopped running, stopped in his tracks and just watched. She caught Ven in her arms, picked him up and spun him around, both of them laughing and crying. Then, after setting him down again, she took Ven's face in her hands, let out a teary gasp, and kissed him full on the lips.

Lea's ears rang so loudly he thought his head would split apart. Somewhere within him, the thing that had once been his heart clawed at its own flesh in vicious despair until it ripped itself to shreds. He could not breathe, he could not think; his whole body was filled with cold lead. He was dying, he was sure of it. Invisible hands had closed around his throat and were choking the life out of him.

Ven broke away from Aqua and looked at Lea, his eyes shining, his face brimming with joy. "Thank you, Lea." he breathed.

Lea turned away and opened the portal home. "When you're ready," he said, and stood aside, staring out at the dark sea. Ven and Aqua ran through, hand in hand, their smiles and tears still shining on their faces.

The two of them didn't seem to notice that he didn't follow them through.

* * *

He walked through the doors of Castle Oblivion as though in a dream, letting them close with a resounding boom behind him. His pace was slow and measured, but he walked with purpose. It was impressive how quickly he came upon the room with the huge crystal ball; it seemed Sora's heart was not the only one the Castle could read.

Lea stood for a long time staring at the smooth crystal, his calm exterior belying the raging turmoil of feeling within him. Gently, he placed a hand on the cold surface of the ball.

"I want to forget," he said softly. He squeezed his eyes shut, wincing, and drew a shuddering breath. "I want to forget." A tear slid out of each eye, and his fingers pressed against the crystal. "I want to _forget,_" he moaned. Sobs racked him, and he slid to his knees, his hand falling from the crystal ball and curling into a fist before slamming against the ground, over and over, as his mantra rose to a scream. "I want to forget. I want to forget. _I want to forget!_"

Suddenly, he _knew_ that there was someone else in the room with him. He looked up, startled, his vision cloudy with tears; still, there was no mistaking that small, pale form.

"Naminé?"

"Your memory of her." the girl said gently. "But I can still help you."

Lea looked away, closing his eyes again. "I can't take this anymore," he said quietly. "It hurts." He sobbed. "It _hurts._"

There was a cold hand on his shoulder, soft and light as a feather. "Are you sure?" she asked, quietly, the pain of Axel's grief reflected in her voice. He looked up at her.

"Yes," he said simply. Losing Him hurt too much to bear. Better that he'd never met Him at all. Better that none of it had ever happened. Better to cut out that piece of his heart before it killed him.

Naminé knelt next to him and pressed her forehead against his. "I'm so sorry, Axel," she breathed.

Something snapped inside of him, and for a few moments, he lost consciousness. When he came to, he was alone in the chamber. He looked around, puzzled, and pulled himself to his feet.

"Castle Oblivion?" he said, and scratched the back of his head. "How did I . . . get here?" He sighed, shook his head, and opened a portal back to Yen Sid's tower, wondering what business could possibly have brought him to the Castle and, moreover, why his face was wet.

He decided it probably wasn't worth mentioning to anyone. He'd figure it out on his own.

Like always.


	5. Makes Me Feel Alive

_"Everything that kills me_

_Makes me feel alive."_

—One Republic, "Counting Stars"

* * *

When Lea arrived back at Yen Sid's tower, there was what appeared to be an impromptu party taking place. Someone had strung up a banner with the hastily scrawled words, "WELCOM HOME AQUA!" painted on it in multifarious hues, and there was a table laden with whatever food the magicians had been able to conjure and the Keyblade wielders pilfer from the cafeteria. It seemed like half of Hollow Bastion and all of Disney Castle had been crammed into the top room of the tower, along with every single Keyblade wielder yet discovered. In the center of the commotion was Aqua, whose face was wet with tears, but who was smiling; and Ven, who stood by her side, looking adoringly at her and grinning at the drop of a hat.

"Hey, hey!" Lea cried, wading into the mess. "Who started a party without inviting me?"

"Lea!" Kairi cried, waving to him through the throng. "_There_ you are! What took you so long?"

"Had a couple things to take care of." Lea said, weaving through the crowd until he was at Kairi's side. Riku was standing against the wall not far away, while Sora was excitedly questioning Aqua with a look of admiration not dissimilar from Ven's. Lea looked at Kairi askance. "This all got set up since Aqua got back? Took, what, ten minutes? I'm impressed."

Kairi hid a smile behind her hand. "Well, Merlin and Yen Sid had a lot to do with it. I think Sora made the banner."

Lea grinned and laced his fingers behind his head. "Shoulda guessed, from the three exclamation points. They seem like they're getting along well."

"Have you ever known anyone to _not_ get along well with Sora?"

Shaking his head, he replied, "Not unless they were trying to kill him. Even then, sometimes."

They stood in comparative quiet for a moment or two, while the party eddied around them.

"I worry about him," Kairi said at last.

"Who, Sora? Nah. I'm pretty sure nothing can kill _that_ kid." He looked askance at Kairi. "Not while you and Riku are still breathing."

Kairi shook her head. "I'm not worried about him getting hurt. I mean, I am, but that's not. . . ." She sighed, hanging her head. "I'm worried one day he'll run off and forget to come back. That he'll forget all about me, and Riku. . . . So much happens. And he just keeps disappearing without . . . without even saying goodbye." She sighed again. "I'm just worried one day he won't come back."

Lea put a hand on her shoulder. "Hey." he said. "This is a party. The worrying can wait, okay?" He stretched his arms over his head and cracked his knuckles. "Now, if you'll excuse me, there's a cake over there that's calling my name."

Kairi smiled up at him. "I'm glad you're feeling better, Lea."

"Yeah. Good to be back to one-hundred percent." He scratched the back of his head, then chuckled. "Heh. Can't even remember what I was so upset about. See ya!" He forged his way through the crowd, to the untouched cake that was, by its pristine nature, practically demanding that he swipe some icing off the corner.

* * *

"It's . . . Lea, right?"

The tentative female voice came from behind him, and he turned, icing-covered fingers still in his mouth. He hastily hid his hand behind his back and passed it off as a bow. "At your service." he said. "You're Aqua."

"Mm-hm!" she confirmed, with a nod. "Ven's told me a lot about you. I wanted to say thank you. For rescuing me, and for taking care of him while I was gone."

"Hey, don't mention it." Lea said. "Kid needed somebody to take care of him and he seemed to like me best." His voice dropped to conspiratorial levels. "Though if I gotta be honest, I'm glad you're taking him off my hands for a while. He's gotten me into more trouble. . . ." He shook his head.

Aqua giggled in a way that was strongly reminiscent of Kairi. "I'm not surprised. He's always been a handful."

"I bet. Well, it was nice meeting you, Aqua. Welcome to the―for lack of a better word―team."

The look she shot him was strangely sharp. "Thanks." she said. "I look forward to getting to know everyone better."

"Ta-ta," said Lea, and wandered off into the crowd again.

It wasn't long before Riku grabbed his elbow and said quietly into his ear, "Outside. Come on." Lea rolled his eyes and went without complaint.

Once they were at the base of the tower, Riku rounded on him.

"What happened?" he demanded.

"Uh, what?" Lea said, one eyebrow raised.

"Between last night and when you got back today." Riku said. "What happened?"

"Nothing," Lea said, "apart from, you know, rescuing Aqua and all that. Did I mention that I did that? Rescued Aqua? Not that anyone seems particularly _appreciative._" He put his hands on his hips and shook his head. "Well, what can you expect. Hero of the hour takes a back seat to the prodigal daughter. It's fine. I don't need recognition." The sarcasm fairly dripped from his voice as he said, "The smiles on their faces was reward enough."

"That's not what I mean and you know it." Riku said, his eyes narrowing. "Something _happened_ to you. Something changed. Why did it take you so long to get back? What were you doing?"

"I don't see how that's any business of yours," Lea answered, his voice growing somewhat less flippant. "And if I'd known this was going to be an inquisition, I'd have sat it out."

Riku regarded him quietly for a moment, then said, "I don't know what you're up to, but I do know this: if you put Sora or Kairi in danger, you will pay for it."

"I'm shaking in my boots." Lea intoned. "Are we done here?"

"For now." Riku replied, and brushed past him back into the tower.

"Jeez," Lea said, shaking his head, "guy's _paranoid._" He sighed. "Oh well. Guess anyone would go a little off the rails after what he's been through." Still shaking his head, he re-entered the tower as well.

* * *

For various reasons, Lea didn't head back to the party after that. The noise and cramped quarters had started to get on his nerves, and the idea of going back to that, with Riku glaring at his back the whole time, was less than inviting. Instead, he took a short jaunt through the darkness to Traverse Town, where he spent some time wandering the streets, trying to get his head in order; despite feeling perfectly sociable and presenting himself well at the party, he still had no clue what he'd been doing at Castle Oblivion or how he'd even gotten there, and it was niggling at the inside of his head that perhaps Riku was right to distrust him.

He wandered into the market district, turning over in his mind the last thing he remembered before waking up in Castle Oblivion. It was strangely difficult, as though the closer he got to the event the blurrier and more confused his memories became. He remembered that he was going looking for Aqua, meaning Ven must have been there; strangely, he couldn't seem to actually recall the boy's presence, just a shadowy emptiness at his side throughout the ordeal. He tried to recall where they had entered the darkness from, but drew a complete blank. They'd taken a Gummi ship . . . somewhere. The more he thought about it, the more his head hurt, so eventually he gave up that line of thinking. He knew he'd found Aqua―he must have, since she was back in the realm of the light―but he couldn't recall the exact circumstances in which he _had_ found her, or what had happened immediately before or after. If he thought extremely hard, he could remember a black beach, but then the pain in his head returned and he gave that up, too. After the supposed rescue, there was a blank space of indeterminate length, filled only with the memory of pain. Perhaps, Lea thought, he'd had to spend some time fighting off Heartless while Aqua―oh, and Ven, of course, he _must_ have been there―had made good their escape. That still didn't explain how he'd ended up in Castle Oblivion, but perhaps the fight had taken him there. It would explain the weakness in his knees upon waking, his exhaustion, and the memory of pain―but then where were his wounds? Why weren't his arms sore, as they always were after too much fighting with the Heartless? Where was the gore, the Heartless's blood, the torn clothes and tangled hair? No, Lea had to conclude that there had been no fight with the Heartless, no fight with anyone. _Something_ had happened to drive him to Castle Oblivion and. . . .

And do what? Erase his own memory?

The thought sprang up before Lea could fight it back down again, and now that he had thought it, he couldn't _stop_ thinking it. It clicked, somehow, with the fragments of his behavior he could recall beforehand and all the things that had happened after. But he wouldn't _do_ that, not even in a state of extreme duress―he'd seen what had happened to Sora when his memories had been taken from him, and he'd vowed to never let himself become that vulnerable. No, it was impossible, he couldn't have done it himself.

But then, who had?

Eventually he found himself sitting on a bench under a green fluorescent sign, staring down at his open palms with a crease between his eyebrows and static between his ears.

Someone sat down next to him. Lea looked up suddenly, his hands unconsciously curling into fists as though he should hide his thoughts inside them. The man beside him had short blond hair, a scruffy beard, and a piece of straw protruding from his thin lips.

"Man gets to lookin' like that," he drawled in a twanging accent, "he ain't derivin' any further you-tility from his own comp'ny."

"Excuse me?" Lea said, incredulous.

"Man gets to lookin' like that," the man continued, "it's about time fer a kind stranger t'offer him a drink."

Lea's eyebrows shot up. "Excuse _me?_" he said.

"O' course, cain't expect any kind stranger'd be terribly ay-verse t'gettin' a drink of his own in return." For the first time, the man looked over at him, sidelong, through the corners of his eyes. He grinned a roguish grin. "What'll it be, sonny? Up fer swappin' stories with a lonesome ol' cowboy over a few pints?"

"_Sonny?_" Lea said, disbelieving. "Look, I don't know who you are or what you want from me, but―"

"Cid's the name," the man interrupted, still grinning at Lea. "Cid Highwind." He stuck out a large, calloused hand. "Damn glad to meet ya."

Lea continued to stare at the man. "You can't be serious."

"Nope, Cid Highwind." One of the already squinting eyes narrowed. "Say, you ain't got a mem'ry problem, do ya sonny?"

"Would you stop _calling_ me that?" Lea demanded.

"Don't rightly know what else I oughtta call ya." Cid replied.

Lea deflated and placed his hand in Cid's. "Lea." he said.

"Only got one name, Lea?" Cid inquired, gripping his hand so hard his knuckle bones rasped together.

"Yes," Lea snapped, removing his hand from Cid's iron grip, "only one that's any of _your_ business."

Cid laughed and stood up, then put his hands on his hips and regarded Lea critically. "So, Lea," he said, "how 'bout that drink?"

* * *

Cid led him to a staircase that dipped under the street, to a small iron door with a flickering sign above it that only read, "_BAR._" Inside it was dark and smoky, empty of most patrons and nearly all staff. There was one man behind the bar, studiously polishing its dull surface with a damp rag. He didn't even look up when Cid and Lea seated themselves at the bar―well, Cid more flung himself into a bar stool, while Lea placed himself down gently, as though fearing the world might collapse around him.

"Two of the usual, Irvine." Cid demanded, slamming a fist down on the bar and grinning good-naturedly. The bartender (who looked, Lea had to admit, even more like a cowboy than Cid) looked over at Cid with a bored eye and sighed.

"Who's your friend, Cid?" Irvine the Bartender asked, putting down his rag and turning to the beer tap. He began filling two large glasses with amber fluid.

"Well, Irvine, this here's Lea." Cid said, clapping Lea on the shoulder with, Lea thought, undue force. "Lea's a buddy of mine."

"Everyone's a buddy of yours, Cid," Irvine commented, rolling his eyes, "so long as they provide you with a free beer."

Cid grinned. "Guilty as charged, Irvine. But I'm also in the habit of acceptin' stories, and this here young fella looks like he's got a whole book of 'em."

Lea turned a pleading look to the bartender. "I don't even know how I got here," he said.

"No one ever does," Irvine replied, setting down their beers in front of them. He walked back to his polishing rag and got back to polishing, apparently absorbed in his own world once again.

"Irvine there ain't quite right in the head," Cid whispered to Lea, leaning uncomfortably close to his ear. "When his world broke up, well, his mind did a little of the same. Ain't never seen him outside this bar. Prob'ly don't even know other folks from his world're in town."

"That so," said Lea disinterestedly, staring at his beer and slowly turning the glass with his thumb and middle finger.

"O-kay, o-kay, you ain't interested in my chit-chat." said Cid, affably. "Well then." He picked up his beer and held it out to Lea. "Here's to a few minutes of not worryin' 'bout the insides of our own heads."

A smile tugged at the corner of Lea's mouth and he clinked his glass against Cid's. "I can drink to that," he said, and did.

* * *

"O-kay," Cid said, rather redder in the face than he'd been at the outset, "now you've got yer talkin' box lubricated, how's about ya tellin' me what all that melancholy's about?"

Lea shook his head. He'd almost made it to the bottom of his first beer, and still wasn't feeling particularly talkative. Cid was on his fourth, and apparently _his_ "talking-box" had obtained all the lubricant it needed. "It's complicated. I don't really feel like discussing it."

"O-kay, o-kay." Cid said. "Well, how's about I tell you a story, then?"

Irvine looked up sharply and gave Lea a swift and decisive shake of the head. There was something of pleading in his expression.

"I'm not really―"

"Well _since_ you in-sist," Cid barreled on; Irvine put a hand over his eyes, "how's about I tell you how I came to be in this here little town?"

"I don't think I could stop you if I tried," Lea lamented. Cid laughed raucously.

"Well, that ya prolly couldn't, son." He took a long pull off his beer and smacked his lips. "Well then. Seein' as you're in Traverse Town, ya know all about the worlds breakin' up."

"Of course," said Lea.

"Right. Well, you can prolly also guess how Yours Truly ended up in this here town as well. World broke up. Din't many of us get out 'fore it did. Me person'ly, I grabbed me a couple little ones and dragged 'em along in my ship. Ya might know 'em, ac-shully. Cloud an' Aerith. Had one under each arm, right into the ship. Got sucked up like everythin' else, 'course, but it kept us safe. So we landed here in Traverse Town, an' Yours Truly set up shop, havin' hardly anything else t'occupy m'self. An' what's my shop, ya ask? Gummi ships! Not quite what I was workin' on back home, but close enough I make a good livin' off it. Always did wanna go to space. Done it now. Seent about all the space there is to see. Found out I liked makin' the durn things more'n I liked flyin' 'em."

"Seems like you've got everything figured out," Lea commented.

"Son," Cid said gently, leaning on the bar, as earnest as only a drunk man can be, "a man who's got everythin' figgered out don't spend his nights lookin' fer answers at the bottom of a glass."

Lea suddenly discovered that he had been staring at the last sip of beer in his glass for several minutes. Angrily, he drank it down and slammed the glass back onto the bar. Irvine looked up at him sharply.

"I don't know." Lea said, aggravated. "I just woke up one day with no idea how I got there or what I was doing. Couldn't remember where I'd been or where I was going. All I knew is that it had hurt. Now I can't figure out if . . . if I should try to find out what happened or if it all happened for a reason and I should just . . . forget about it. Move on."

"Ah," said Cid, tapping the side of his nose, "now that's a common problem fer young'uns. Can get purty dicey, decidin' where yer goin' in life."

Lea tried to interrupt him, but Cid was not paying attention.

"But listen, son, lemme tell you this as somebody who spent a deal too much time findin' hisself. Ya either learn to let go of yer past or ya learn to live with it. Don't, and I guarantee it'll eat. You. Up."

"That's not quite what I meant," Lea said, looking at Cid with something approaching respect, "but thanks anyway, old man."

"Old man?" Cid cried, and then laughed. "Well, I guess if I'm gonna be callin' you 'son' you got every right to be callin' me an old man."

Lea stood. "I should get going." he said.

"Get, then." said Cid. "And hey, beer's on me this time around."

Lea nodded, just barely smiling. "Right."

"Get on outta here," the man said, and turned, still smiling, back to the bar and his litany of empty beer glasses.

Lea walked home through the darkness slowly, pondering what Cid had said. Certainly, he'd taken the situation a little more . . . metaphorically than Lea had meant it, but maybe his advice had been sound all the same. Maybe there really _had_ been a reason for part of his memories to go missing at Castle Oblivion. Maybe he should leave well enough alone and get on with his life. Dwelling on it wouldn't help, he supposed. Better to just move on.

* * *

Lea returned back to Yen Sid's tower in time to get about half the sleep he needed before it was time to wake up and go on his mission for the day. He rolled out of bed groggy and irritated, his mouth still bitter from last night's beer. However, once he'd woken up fully (the coffee helped), he found his mind clearer than the day before; maybe something of Cid's advice had filtered through into his subconscious and kept him relaxed. He arrived in Yen Sid's office ten minutes late with an impudent smirk on his face and a twinkle in his eye.

"Lea," Yen Sid intoned, "you're late."

"Yeah, yeah, I'll write you an essay." Lea quipped.

"You also traveled with Ventus into the darkness yesterday."

"Your powers of deduction are unrivaled."

"Which, as I recall, I expressly forbade you to do."

"Which, as _I_ recall, resulted in rescuing Aqua and nobody getting hurt. Sorry, did you miss that part? Maybe your memory is deserting you in your old age."

Yen Sid gave him a glare that could have lit a candle. "Despite the admittedly desirable results, the fact remains that you disobeyed a direct order from me."

"_Order?_" Lea scoffed. His smile grew sharp around the edges. "Let's get one thing straight, old man. You're not my boss. I don't take orders from you, or from anybody. I'm here helping you people out of the kindness of my own heart. I could leave any time I wanted, abandon this whole mission and all of you with it, and you know what? There's not one single thing you could do to stop me. Unless you plan on killing me if I tried to leave, but I don't think you'd do that. You're not quite _Xehanort_ enough for that kind of stunt."

Yen Sid stared at him silently for the span of three deep breaths. His expression, as always, was unreadable, but Lea got the impression he might have been stunned.

"As you say." Yen Sid said at last. "Nevertheless, it was a dangerous maneuver that could have resulted in your and Ventus's deaths. Take that into consideration the next time I . . . _request_ your cooperation."

"I'll be sure to think real hard about it before I ignore it completely." Lea affirmed. "Where's the action today?"

Yen Sid did not answer for a time. "Since you are your own _boss,_" he said at last, "perhaps you should determine your own assignments."

Something in Lea wanted to be furious, but the rest of him laughed out loud. "Oh, is _that_ how we're going to play. All right, fine. I know where to find the Heartless." He saluted lazily and opened a portal. "See ya, old man."

He fancied he could hear Yen Sid's teeth grinding behind him as he stepped into the darkness.

* * *

He arrived. The rain pattered down around him, distorting the reflections of the neon signs in the puddles that littered the abandoned road. The buildings around him showed marked signs of decay from their long abandonment; apart from the rain, the world was eerily silent. The night sky was dark and empty―strikingly empty. Looming over the city was a void space that seemed to draw in the clouds and sky around it. Hovering beneath that void were the dilapidated ruins of the Castle, a few lights still lit in its labyrinthine interior.

Lea sighed, looking upon the ruins. "Well, Axel," he said to the air, "home sweet home, eh?"

Two steps forward, and the Heartless materialized. There were at least four dozen of them, probably more lurking in the shadows―they had a lot of room to lurk.

"And there's the welcoming party!" Lea cried joyously. This would be an excellent place for that infuriated part of him to express its seething rage. "Really, fellas, you shouldn't have."

As the Heartless rushed toward him, Lea stretched out a hand for his Keyblade, grinning.

And grabbed a fistful of empty air.

He stared at his empty hand for a moment, stunned.

"Oh." he said.

He couldn't really think of anything else to say.


	6. Into Pieces

**A/N: Sorry it took me a little longer on this one―school's getting kinda crazy. Also Lea suddenly decided he wanted this fic to be about three chapters longer than originally planned, and who was I to tell him no?**

* * *

_"So fold my heart up small_

_Or break it into pieces_

_Find somewhere and keep it there_

_Take it when you go."_

―Jonathan Coulton, "When You Go"

* * *

Lea did not take the luxury of being stunned for long. He leapt back as the Heartless swarmed towards him while the wheels in his brain spun for a moment.

Spinning wheels. Ah, there it was.

The chakram blossomed in his hands like flowers of flame, whirring like propellors. Despite himself, Lea smirked.

"Welcome back, fellas!" he cried, and hurled one at the nearest Heartless. It missed by a mile and stuck in the wall ten feet away. Lea didn't have time to be annoyed. The second chakram flew from his hand and sliced neatly through the Heartless's head before clattering to the ground. Lea sagged.

"I'm really out of practice," he lamented. Several of the Heartless were sniffing at the weapons, but the majority of them were still lumbering, crawling, and scurrying towards him at top speed. He tried to settle himself, tried to focus on returning the chakram to his hands, but the Heartless were too close and his heart was pounding and he could not think in a straight line for long enough. Only one motivation emerged from his tangled web of thoughts.

_Gotta go get them._

He leapt over the nearest Heartless, ducked a swing from the next, and delivered a swift kick to one that lunged at him from the side. A lashing tendril struck him in the back of the head and he stumbled, but he slid under the next blow and kept running. He vaulted off of the back of a crouching Heartless, slamming its face into the pavement, and landed on the broad shoulders of the large-bodied one behind it. He skipped across the heads of four of five of the creatures before one of their tendrils snagged his ankles and brought him crashing to the pavement. The fall knocked the breath out of him and broke his nose, but he was within arm's reach of the first chakram and he grabbed it and swung it around to slice through the black tendrils curled around his ankles in one smooth movement. He hauled himself to his feet, back against the wall, chakram held between himself and the horde like a shield. He took one deep breath, blood dribbling from his nose across his lips. It probably would have hurt like hell if there had been room in his consciousness for pain.

He leapt forward, slicing through the first and second Heartless with two quick strokes, his gaze focused solely on the second chakram, still embedded in the wall across the alley, not more than ten feet away. A Heartless lunged at him from the right and he ducked under it, swiping at its belly with the chakram as it went by. The Heartless landed, turned, and jumped back at him. He cut its head off in a torrent of black gunk, then spun as another creature leapt at his back. He kept the momentum of the spin and turned it into a vicious diagonal slash that cleaved the Heartless in two. Another creature caught him in the shoulder with its full weight and bore him to the ground. He thrust one of the points of the chakram into its neck and rolled, still single-mindedly focused on the second weapon only a few feet away. He landed on his hands and knees and looked up at the chakram like a runner about to take off from the starting block. He sprinted forward, sending the chakram in his hand spinning in flames before him to clear a path. It stuck into the wall next to its brother, and Lea reached the two only moments later, ripping them out of the wall with a sound like fingernails on a chalkboard. He turned to face the mass of Heartless again, yet another snappy one-liner queued up on his tongue.

The huge, rotund Heartless caught him with a back-handed swipe to the face almost before he finished turning around. The blow sent him tumbling head-over-heels down the alley and left him spitting up teeth in the mud. Somehow he'd managed to hold onto his chakram, both of them, but he couldn't focus his eyes and the only sound he could hear was the ringing in his ears. He couldn't turn his head to the right anymore, and so was left looking to his left or straight ahead. He staggered to his feet with the world spinning around him.

The chakram were responding to him better, and they took out six Heartless seemingly of their own accord before returning to Lea's hands in pinwheels of fire. A Heartless struck him from behind, hard. He stumbled forward into the waiting claws of another Heartless that tore at his chest and arms. He set it aflame with his bare rage and cut its brother's head off with a cry.

He stopped. Looked down. He couldn't breathe. He couldn't move.

There was a red-stained blade poking out from just under his ribcage, dripping syrupy fluid onto the black asphalt beneath. The blade retracted into his chest and he stood for a moment, swaying on his feet. The chakram dropped from his hands, clanging once on the ground before they evaporated in the rain. Lea collapsed in a heap on the wet ground, one hand feebly pressed to the gaping wound in his abdomen. The Heartless surged toward him from all sides like crashing waves of darkness.

Lea pressed a hand to the ground, focused all of his thought and energy, and slowly slid through the cold darkness where the street had been.

* * *

He dripped from Yen Sid's ceiling and landed with a wet _thwack_ on the ground. The impact hardly jarred him. He could barely see, the world sounded like it was all under water, he couldn't breathe, couldn't breathe, couldn't _breathe._ . . .

* * *

He opened his eyes in his room. It still hurt to breathe, but he could do it. There was a bandage wrapped around his abdomen and several more plastered to his face and arms. There were some suspicious gaps in the right side of his mouth where he swore he'd had teeth at some point.

He groaned. Everything hurt. Granted, some things hurt _much_ worse than others (weren't there _organs_ in there?) but his whole body ached like he'd been strung up and beaten like a piñata.

Ven's face came into view, his eyes sparkling and wide.

"Hey," he said softly, "you doing all right?"

Lea scoffed. That hurt, too. "Do I _look_ all right to you?" he asked. "Ugh. What happened?"

Ven shook his head. "I'm not sure. You just showed up here, nearly dead. Yen Sid managed to save you, but it was . . . a close one."

"Ch." Lea tried to sit up, but the pain was so intense he almost blacked out.

"Whoah, hey, don't try to get up." Ven said, putting a hand on Lea's shoulder.

"Yep," Lea said, his voice strangled, "got it memorized. Thanks."

Ven sighed. Quiet fell in the room while Lea struggled to manage the pain in his abdomen and Ven stared out the window.

"How long've I been out?" Lea asked eventually.

"What? Oh. About a day. We've been taking turns watching over you while you slept."

"Bet Yen Sid was _thrilled_ about that."

Ven scowled. "He told us to. He was really worried about you."

"Sure, sure." said Lea. Further conversation was cut off by Sora bursting through the door.

"You're awake!" he cried. Before Lea or Ven could stop him, he had leapt onto the bed and embraced Lea. "I _knew_ I heard talking!"

"You're hurting him!" Ven admonished, tugging on Sora's arm.

"Oh! Sorry! Sorry." Sora said, backing away sheepishly.

Lea took a moment to get his breath back. "Yeah. 'Preciate the enthusiasm." he wheezed.

"Yeah," Sora rubbed the back of his head, still smiling, but looking embarrassed. "Sorry. Ever since the whole Roxas thing I guess I got a little attached to you."

Lea raised an eyebrow. "Who?" he said.

Sora stared at him, dumbfounded. "He . . . you. . . ." He looked at Ven, then back at Lea, then back at Ven, then at Lea once more. "Uh," he said, "sorry for busting in. I, uh, just remembered something I had to do. See ya later!" He waved and hurried out, perhaps more quickly than was necessary.

Lea looked at Ven. "What's with him?" he asked.

Ven cracked a bewildered smile. "I was about to ask you the same thing."

Lea closed his eyes and sighed. "Man, I _hate_ being laid up like this." he said. "Makes me feel so useless."

"Yeah, well. At least you weren't asleep for . . . however many years."

"Heh. True. I wasn't."

"And hey, you'll be back on your feet in no time!"

"Yeah. Back on my feet, back into the fray. Can't wait."

"Lea?"

"Hm?"

Ven paused, looking at his hands. "I just want you to know, I . . . I'm sorry. I haven't really been there for you. I just . . . I was so happy to see Aqua again. But you're my friend, too. And I haven't been acting like a friend. So I'm sorry."

"Don't worry about it. I know I was just filling in for her. Doesn't bother me. Heck, I'm _glad_ to have you off my hands."

"No, that's not―"

"I'm getting really tired, Ven. It's kinda hard to sleep with you in here. Could you leave?"

Ven's lips pressed together and he stood abruptly. "Sure." he said, his voice tight. He walked out, closing the door behind him rather forcefully.

"Ch. Everyone's a critic." said Lea, and closed his eyes, anger and pain keeping him from doing anything more than pretending to sleep.

* * *

Since there was nothing to do but get well, Lea put all of his effort into convalescing as quickly as possible. Despite what he'd said to Ven, he was actually eager to return to fighting the Heartless. It was better, at any rate, than lying in this bed doing nothing, with only an endless series of babysitters to keep him company. Yen Sid visited him every so often to check on the progress of the wound through his chest. He made no comments on anything other than the condition of the injury, which, in its way, was worse than if he had scolded Lea outright for his idiocy in nearly getting himself killed.

Worse, though, were the visits from Sora. Although he no longer needed anyone watching over him (Yen Sid had decided, apparently, that he wasn't going to die in the night without warning), Sora visited him with grating regularity. The others at least had the decency to not try to strike up a conversation if it was clear Lea wasn't in a talking mood, but Sora found it necessary to chatter away at Lea incessantly despite even the most thinly veiled hints that he was not wanted there. Eventually Lea would resort to telling Sora outright that he should leave, at which point Sora would adopt a face of extreme disappointment and slink out like a kicked puppy.

And he wouldn't _shut up_ about that Roxas kid.

The conversation never started with it, but somehow Sora always worked his way around to the topic―that was part of what made Lea so angry about it. Just when he thought Sora had _finally_ given it up, there he'd go again, spouting it all like Lea was supposed to know what he was talking about. Lea tried to make himself believe that Sora's blind persistence was what made him angry, although there was something niggling at the inside of his head that told him this was not the whole reason. He couldn't stand even the thought of _that name_, although there was something underlying his annoyance that he couldn't quite pin down. The more he thought about it, the more difficult the feeling became to define; all in all, it was an incredibly frustrating experience.

It took about two weeks before Lea finally snuck out in the middle of the night with absolutely no intention of ever returning.

* * *

He had to admit, freedom was delicious. As he strolled down the empty streets of Hollow Bastion, he found himself reveling in it. Here he was, for the first time in his life, without a single obligation to anyone. Even the Keyblade had finally left him alone―so much for _that_ destiny. Unbound from all responsibilities, freed from the tyranny of friendships, cut loose from the disastrous attention of the Heartless, he began flexing his creative energies towards the finding of an enterprise that could sate―or at least occupy―his capricious attention.

He wandered into the empty courtyard, trying to draw inspiration from the moonlit world around him. Exploration was a definite possibility, although in the course of his various employments he'd explored most of the places that could _be_ explored. There was, though, the man back in Traverse Town―what was his name? Cid―who'd seemed an excellent purveyor of Gummi ships, should Lea ever need one, and perhaps there were more worlds to be seen than just those he'd been sent to on business.

His steps led him to the reconstruction efforts past the Bailey. He could, he supposed, stay in Hollow Bastion, or find somewhere else to settle. He found himself sneering at just the thought of it―Lea, _settle?_ It was ridiculous. Hadn't he just run off from Yen Sid's tower because things were getting a little too _settled?_ Besides that, it would be far too easy for the old Keyblade crew to find him and pester him about coming back to the team. No, whatever he did from here, he'd have to keep moving.

Up to the old ruined castle―what a mess of memories _that_ was! From waking up suddenly whole in the computer room―was it only a few months ago?―to that first fateful expedition into the unknown with―

_Isa_.

The knowledge of what he had to do settled over him like a lead blanket, but with it came an iron certainty. Isa was out there, somewhere, slowly being turned into a horrific clone of Xehanort. There was no one to rescue him―no one except his oldest friend, estranged for so many years, but now suddenly free from all distractions and itching for a worthwhile enterprise to occupy his time. What shocked Lea more than anything was that it had taken him so long to figure it out.

Isa needed him (Isa had always needed him). If nothing else, it would give Lea a chance to beat the living daylights out of him for getting the two of them into this Organization mess in the first place. And for bossing him around in the Organization like he was _entitled_ to. And for being stupid enough to stick with Xehanort when it was clear that Isa himself would be obliterated in the process. The list went on and on. Lea decided, somewhere along the way, that there were really too many grievances against Isa to just throw them all away by letting him be turned into a shell for Xehanort. There was nothing for it―he'd just have to save his life.

Excuses firmly in hand, Lea opened a portal and headed for Traverse Town.


End file.
